Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year Has Cum...

Happy New Year Dhaaarlings

Princess and the Empress would like to thank all of our wonderful blog friends that visit the Palais throughout the year...  for your marvelous support and well wishes and never ending mischief and folly...
You have often made a very grim day much more bearable... and so it is with our heartfelt gratitude that we wish you all a very happy and healthy 2011.
All the way from
The Future!!!

 That is why this post may seem a little premature Dhaaarlings

But what is wrong with an early Kick off???


So yes... that's right Dhaarlings... I'm coming to you all the way from the future...

Personally I find New Year a time for quiet contemplation and reflection.

A time for summing up, reviewing, and making some small plans for the year ahead.
I think about loved ones that have passed, friends, family, acquaintances.
I think about New Family arrivals... New friends... Old friends that I have re connected with and new opportunities that lie ahead.
Who really knows what a new year will bring?
But as part of this reflection I also acknowledge just how grateful I am.
I have my health, I have Family and Friends to share my journey, I have enough money to survive, a roof over my head and food on the table and I am very thankful for this.

All is well in my world!
I realise that I do have a lot to Celebrate so Lets get on with it shall we?
 May 2011 be a better year for all of us...



 
And what's more...
You all get the scoop from Princess...

While preparing a little NYE Entertainment here at the Palais
And in tribute and Celebration of Miss Savannah's Birthday 

(Happy Birthday Dhaarling XXX)


 


My plans were suddenly brought to a screaming halt!




And I think it was the house boys that were doing most of the screaming....Possibly with excitement... I might add....

As I soon discovered... The cause of this ruckus was due to the Palais being rudely invaded by several of these...




 Yes....  Awfully Aroused Aliens....

Can you beleive It? ... And of all evenings to choose for an invasion...
How very dare they I thought...
But it's quite OK... After some discussion with their leader (pictured above) In which I expressed my excitement ... dissapointment with his...Lack of attire ...timing.. for an invasion of the Palais and.... that he might have done well to have informed me of he and his party's intentions as... with prior notice I would have gladly included them on the list of formal entertainment.... As it was... they seemed to be performing providing quite a lot of  sexual favours .... entertainment for many of my depraved delighted guests...

He then masterfully allayed my anxiety and embarrassment... by demonstrating .... assuring me that
They all came in Peace....
And well I had to Concur.... with each of them brandishing a Piece like that... How could they not?




So .... the corks are now frantically popping...





The champagne is being poured...



The fireworks are going off...

And while they are... lets take this opportunity to all gather around while joining naughty bits ... er..hands... and sing out the old year together.

Here's to a Healthy and Happy and  2011...

Full of good times friendship and continued frivolity and fornication ...Fun.

Let's Celebrate!



Now... with the formalities over
I'm off to avail  introduce myself one of those visiting aliens...
I think I saw one or two of them entertaining the houseboys in the Piano Room..


Meanwhile make yourselves at home and...
 If you need me.... you'll know where to find me.

I'll be helping accommodate my newest Space Friend 

Oh.... and don't forget to call by Boxers Mammoth NYE Marathon
Pop on over for a splash in the Vodka Fountain
So if I'm missing come over to Boxers and join us...

Now... If I can just coax one of these alien gents to accompany me...
 
Happy New Year Dhaaarlings...

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Now Showing at "The Palais"....


Hello Dhaaarlings...

It must be the last MCW for 2010 as Milk River Madaman has gone all foreign on us to finish the year.

The theme for this week is... 

"Favourite Foreign Actress" 


I first saw her in this...
with the wonderful Lena Olin and Daniel Day-Lewis



And then she popped up again in this...



Again with Lena Olin

But you guessed it... my Favourite Foreign Actress is

Juliet Binoche

In between times I just keep wishing that she would stop getting her tit's out in nearly every movie that she does..

Dame Judy Never Would!

Happy Movie Clip Wednesday....

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I Survived... And so have you!...

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE


 1940's, 1950's,and 1960's

First, we survived being born to mothers who drank and sometimes smoked while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon, nuts and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer...

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking or walking for miles along the railway tracks.



 
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags or air conditioning. If you were hot you wound the window down. But only if Dad said so..

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle...

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, and real hamburgers with beetroot. No pizza shops, Plastic cheese burgers, Fried Chicken or Foot long rolls.


Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some Penny Bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because.....

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our Billy-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill... only to find out at the bottom we forgot the brakes.


 We built tree houses and cubbies and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY , no video/dvd films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.


Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

FOOTBALL and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT!

Our teachers used to hit us with straps and canes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.


The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and
 we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore


I recieved this as an Email Author unknown

A little light musique...


I have always loved this voice...
It gets better with age.



I once drove 3 hours through flooding rains to see her live in concert.

The show was delayed by 4 hours due to the torrential rain which had destroyed the stage that she was to perform on.

Eventually the organisers managed to re set in a visiting circus tent which happened to be st up on the same site. It was standing room only and  as most people had cracked the shits with the weather and the waiting had gone home...
I stood in an intimate group of aboout 100 die hard fans and managed to find myself in the front row
 3 feet away from Tina and her band throughout the entire performance.


I will never forget that night.... dispite standing in soggy clothing and shivering my arse off.


 

It was well worth it Dhaarlings


Saturday, December 25, 2010

Well... That's IT!

I'm Knackered...



My work is done....

For another threehundred and sixtythree days...
Unless of course it's a leap year.... meaning I get my forthyearly extra day off Woo Hoo!

Guess that means it's party big time!


And lots of time to catch up with the Elves...



For some nekkid swimming...



Ho Ho Ho!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Tis The Night Before Christmas....

Ho! Ho! Ho!
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house...
Not a creature was stirring.... apart from several hundred Elves all busying themselves filling Santa's Sack...
8 toey reindeer waiting for their one big night out... And one fat old bastard in a red suit readying himself for his annual world tour...




Oh Fuck!
... Err... Hello there ....You've caught me!

 I was just about to mount the Reindeer and Ready the Sleigh... oops ...
I think I meant that the other way around...


 


I do hope that all of your decorations are well...




And truly...



hung...




And you've remembered to leave out a little treat for Santa...

When he calls to fill your stockings...

 


 
And leave a little something...




 under your tree
And remember...

 
There is only one more Sleep Dhaaarlings...

So...


 Get your sorry arses to bed...

Or I'll fly right over your house and leave you nothing...

Oh but... Here's a little Eartha to lull you off to sleep...






But... most of all....


 
Princess wishes you and yours a very Merry Christmas  Dhaaarlings...



Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tis The Season....

HO! HO! HO! Dhaarlings...


At about this time last year I did a post with some

"Silly Season Stocking Fillers"



So again... I thougt I'd post some more ideas for those of you...
Still wondering what to get for that someone special... 
You all know how helpful Princess likes to be....


So here are this years selection of last minute Stocking fillers...


Cocktail Sun Glasses?


Perhaps a book...



Masturbation Creme?

Or...


Perhaps for when these wear off?



Penis Hoopla?

Or if they don't already have one...

 What about providing them the opportunity?...




Or try some of this Gum For that special person...




Something for the Mistress ?


Some Fancy Finery?






I've managed to Find my own Stocking Fellas Dhaarlings





And Remember... there are only Two more Sleeps

Merry Christmas Dhaaarlings....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Now Showing at "The Palais"....

Ho! Ho! Ho!



 
Seasons Greetings Dhaarlings...


 

Milkriver Madman has utterly excelled himself with this weeks theme for
Movie Clip Wednesday

"Favourite Christmas Movie"

There just couldn't be a more timely theme could there?
Such an absolute cornucopia wonderful happy movies with a Christmas theme
There is a list of 100 of them Here

Scrooge, And all it's variations, I think takes the prize for the most remakes of any Christmas themed movie. But there were others that came to mind.
Classics like "Miracle on 34th street" "It's a wonderful life" which are quite touching. Funny comedic themes like "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" with the Griswolds, "Elf" with Will Farrell, "Polar Express", "The Santa Clause"
Or, Tim Burton's "Nightmare before Christmas" and the wiers and whacky "Grinch that stole Christmas" with Jim Carey. My favourite of the "Scrooge" remakes would have to be "Scrooged" with Bill Murray.

But my personal selection for this week strikes a very special chord within me.

And if you will, indulge me while I give you some background...
I really do love all things Christmas

"Princess as Santa"


I have had the wonderful experience of playing Santa Claus for many years (initially with a Professional Photographer at a local shopping centre and now volunteering at local community functions) I found myself strangely drawn to this movie. "Why?" you ask... Well let me tell you.

I find Christmas time to be one of the most wondrous times of the year for little children, and adults that are still children at heart.
The look of awe, but more often, the terror on their little faces.
With over anxious parents literally pushing the kid toward the big fat hairy man in a bright red suit.
(It used to frighten the hell out of me as a kid.)
(And it is such an un natural appearance for anyone, what with all the white hair and beard, red suit trimmed with fur, the boots and white gloves, let alone in Australia where Christmas falls in the height of Summer with tempertures usually in the high 30's C... Pure craziness I know, but I do it anyway.)
 Bribing them with offers of treats or toys to stand near Santa and have a photo taken for "Grandma"... And the kid digging in its heels and screaming in fright and then trying to pull away from Mummy's vice like grip. The poor kid I think is scarred for life after that type of experience.

Sometimes I'd just want to slap these pushy parents but instead...

 Santa  would calmly reassure the parents and suggest that Mum/Dad take a deep breath and let the kid descide to approach Santa at it's own pace. If that meant several trips to visit and get accustomed to the old fat man in the red suit, before gaining the courage to stand there for a photo with him, then so be it. Most of the time this approach worked and the parents thanked me once they had the all important photo, for suggesting it to them.
This approach I found was so much more fun than all the screaming, tantrums, the tears and the arguments (and that was often from the parents)

 Then there are the other parents that are just wonderful.
 They get the whole Santa thing. They have bought the myth and are happy to reinforce it by  continued indoctrination.

The kids of these parents come running at first glimpse with arms outsretched and gleefully yelling Santa! Santa! All wide-eyed and full of questions.

For them the fantasy is made real....
 Great long lists of I wants and will you bring me's... and are quite up front some of them....
Some kids even present Santa with a drawing, or a small toy or a lolly.

One little Kid even bought along their dummy/pacifiers to give to Santa as proof that "I'm big now Santa"...

And as I said.... Constant and never ending Questions...

 "Where have you parked the Reindeer Santa?"
 "Is Rudolph with you?"
"Where is Mrs Claus? Did you leave her at home?"
"Who's home making sure them elves are still working while you're here" 
"I wont be home this year Santa do you know where Grandma and Grandpa live so you can leave the presents there?"
"Santa... We don't have a chimney so I'll leave the door open for you is that alright?"
"What do the reindeer eat?"
"Are milk and cookies alright? Because Mum said to leave out some shortbread and Dad said you'd want a beer."
"What does Mrs Santa say when you get home drunk from all the beers? Does she yell like Mummy?"

Santa really has to think on his feet sometimes...

The Mall that I worked in had a glassed roof and when the Kids asked where the reindeer were parked, I'd respond that they were "parked up on the roof". pointing toward the cieling.
I was always astonished by the number of parents that would also look up trying to see the reindeer!


And then there are the Kids that watch your every move. They will test you with a barrage of "proof" questions to see whether you're the real deal or not.

Some kids have really, really thought the questions through

 Like asking...
"If you're the real Santa... Name all the reindeer then."
 "And...What do the elves do when they're not making toys?" and 
"How do you land the sleigh on the roof and not make a noise?" and
"Why don't you wear shorts when it's hot?"
 "How do you make the reindeer fly".....

And Oh.... Just fuck off with all the questions!!!!

Imagine if you will... this barrage for four long weeks...

If you pass the inquisition some of them can turn into "Santa Police" and become regular visitors providing field reports on your "Other Helpers".

One kid gave me field reports on the performance of other "helpers" he had met in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

"Santa, we had one of your helpers,... because he wasn't you.... at the party at our place last night. And when he'd gone home, I found his hat and the bag he had the presents in, on the floor in Daddy's wardrobe.... I showed Dad. 
He said that he wasn't a very good Santa then. That's not right is it? Like he shouldn't leave his hat and bag behind should he?

Santa's (My) response "Well... No, and I guess I'll have to remind him to make sure he takes everything home with him after the next party he goes to, at the next "Santas' Helpers" meeting."

"Good.  You do that Santa. Because he's not doing it right is he?
You don't leave your bag and hat behind... do you Santa, because I've checked around your chair when you're not here..."

And then... on another day... the same kid fronts me with...

 "Santa, one of your helpers lives in a house up the road from me, and this morning I saw him out walking a dog. That's just not right is it.? He shouldn't be doing that should he?"

Santas' (My) response to this question was...

" Well no... he should have been walking a reindeer at that hour of the day.."

And the kid says...

" That's what I thought. So I told him that I'd come and talk to you about it."

Then there was the time when I wasn't too sure on how to respond to the kid that approached me and whispered behind his hand away from his Mother...

"Santa... For Christmas ... can you come to our house again in you're
nude suit?"
"Because.. Mum really likes it and giggles when you only wear your hat!"...

Mum turned bright red with embarrassment... while Santa quickly let that one go through to the keeper and asked the kid what else he wanted for Christmas


Anyway the whole Santa thing..  is actually... the only product that I begrudgingly thank the "Red Can Cola Company" and their advertising gurus for.
The gig of playing Santa has kept me in gainful employment at this time of the year 
for the past few years at least.

And despite the incessant questions, requests, tantrums, vomiting, leaking of bodily fluids, sore back, neck, and arse from sitting for hours on end...
I thoroughly love every minute of it...
And therefore... I now present for your entertainment and enjoyment my

Favourite Christmas Movie.

It's like a training manual for how not to be a Santa, but I discovered while watching it that I held such an affinity with Billy Bob and many of the scenes seemed so familiar to my own experiences over the years. Well apart from shagging Mrs. Santa's Sister.
Some days I wished that I could respond in the same way that he does.
But my own sense of Christmas wonderment doesn't allow me to.

A very Merry Christmas to you all...
And remember... there are only 3 more sleeps! 



Happy Festive Movie Clip Wednesday...

 


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tis The Season....





Have you hung your stockings yet Dhaaarlings?




Bruce has let me in on a secret...



I do hope your bar is well stocked...

I hear Santa has quite a thirst... 




Remember...

Only 4 more Sleeps Dhaaarlings....

Monday, December 20, 2010

You can't say That in Canada....


This was news to me Dhaarlings...



Just Remember your Velvet Gloves...

Oh... and there are only 5 more Sleeps...

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A Lovers Lament...

Broken up with somone special lately?
Missing them like all get out?
Here's a little tune to help to convey your deepest feelings.




Oh... and there's only 6 more sleeps to Christmas...



Saturday, December 18, 2010

Tis The Season....







Only Seven more sleeps Dhaaarlings...