Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Administrative Automatons.... Or... Kindly Fuck Off!...Can't You See We Do Not Give A Shit.... Dear.....

Hello Dhaaarlings...


You may have gathered from the title that Princess is not a happy Princess... 








Read on....




After spending a rain-swept and stormy day travelling on trains, trams, buses and waiting in waiting rooms at a busy public hospital for Doctors that don't seem to mind if they are running 2 hours behind with their appointment times.... We are no further advanced  or enlightened as to the Empress's condition...


After reviewing her scans, x-rays, test results and much chin rubbing and head scratching the Specialist announced...


"Well... I'm not sure what it is that I'm looking at!
There is definitely a lesion of some sort there but the scans don't help me much and I cannot say whether it is definitely benign or definitely malignant! You might need to have surgery to remove it and a plate made to be inserted where the piece of bone effected is removed or, you might not." Adding 


"In all my years I've never seen anything like this!"...


Which doesn't exactly fill one with confidence!




"I'll send you for an MRI Empress and get you back to see me Next Week!"




"Here's a request form to take to medical imaging on the way out and have them book you an appointment for later this week and come back and see me next Monday or the Monday after."


"Let them know that I've marked the form priority 1 Urgent"


Thank you Doctor... And it's off to see the medical imaging department.
And that's when the fun began!




"Hello... Can I help you?" says the disinterested voice of young and I know I'm good looking boy behind the counter... Though not even bothering to look up from his "Eye Pad"


"Yes hopefully you can" says I... "I need to book an MRI for later this week for the Empress as her doctor would like to see her with the results on Monday next week"


Vacant stare from "compared to you darling I know I'm almost a Foetus" Boy behind the counter... 


Suddenly it speaks...."Do you have a request form with you?"


"Yes" I say passing the request form through the slot in the Perspex screen ... "The Doctor has marked it as being urgent." I add...


Continued look if utter disinterest from foetus boy... "Mobile Phone Number?" it says looking down at the form... 


"Sorry but I don't have a mobile phone... but the number for my land line is already there on the form if that's any help" 


With a look of utter horror on its face it says "No mobile? then asks "Er... What's a land line?"


"Its old technology" I say... "You dial that number on the request form and a telephone on the wall in my home will ring, I'll hear the ringing and I'll walk over to it and pick up the receiver and say hello. If I don't happen to be home when you do ring a little machine that plugs into the telephone will record a message from you and if you leave a number I will  be able to ring you back"



"That's Weird!" Was the response..."Thank you... You can go now"


"But what about the appointment time?" I ask


"Yes...We'll send you out a letter with an appointment time"


"Excuse me but I don't think you have heard me... The doctor has sent us around here to make an urgent appointment in the next few days so that he can review the results with the Empress at another appointment with him next week..."


"Yes" it says letting out a sigh of what I can only interpret as... Oh god another anxious old queen... "I heard what you said and we will send you out a letter with an appointment date and time"


"A letter? The doctor has marked the request urgent.. stating that he wanted the scan done before the end of this week? Have you even read the request form? We live in the country and need time to arrange for transport to get here... How long will a letter take"


"Oh... usually Six to Eight Weeks...." it says nonchalantly... not even batting an eyelash!


"You have got to be joking!" I say.... "Six to eight weeks for an urgent request? But the Doctor wants us back here next week with the results. Six to eight weeks of waiting for an "urgent" appointment is just ridiculous....I can't understand what it is that can be so difficult about making a booking now while we are here"


"You'll.have.an.appointment.in.six.to.eight.weeks!" ejaculates the now sneering Foetus Boy, turning his back to me in an attempt at dismissal...


By this stage I'm ready to jump the counter and bitch slap little precious...


Next thing I know.... Matronly supervisor who has been sitting silently, staring fixedly at the computer screen in front of her... quietly keeping an ear on the intercourse.... slowly... like an old crone... raises her head while turning on her swivelling office chair of a perch to face our direction... at the same time skilfully managing not to make direct eye contact (I'd say she's had years of experience at this) states in her dry old spinsters voice...


"Excuse me dear... We don't make appointments here on the spot... that is our policy dear... Our hands are tied...That's just the way it is... And we don't make the rules... If the Doctor wants an urgent appointment he will contact us directly.
Otherwise you just have to wait your turn like everybody else.".....


And just as slowly and skilfully returns to her silent state of immobility before the computer screen.


"I know that you have policies to follow... and normally I would quite cheerfully accept what you are saying and would't be concerned had the doctor not sent us here straight from the appointment with him to make an urgent booking for an MRI for the Empress... Is there nothing that either of you are prepared to do to assist us?"


Silence...................


..............................................................................


..............................................................................




Then... Foetus Boy turns and speaks with a look on its face as if it has just scraped something nasty from its shoe...


"You'll get a letter in the mail"


"Well.... Thank you both very much for your help" I replied with a smile.... 


"The pair of you are shining examples of absolutely appalling customer service and... may I say... possess such a dearth of interpersonal communication skills ...I am quite certain.... are something that both you and the hospital of which you represent can be very proud" 




And having said that... left them sitting...smiling proudly at each other.

So my darlings.... What to do from here?

The plan is to contact the Specialist and inform him of our current dilemma... to see if he can't do the request directly himself. Failing that, I will be making quite the nuisance of myself with the medical imaging department on a several times a day phone call basis... Of course I'll be on the land line darlings...

Oh... and a letter of concern to the patient complaints department regarding their helpful medical imaging booking clerks.

I really don't know what other options we have other than to wait and see...


Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Empress has Landed....

Hello Dhaaarlings....


My timing was exemplary on arriving at the airport this evening to meet the Empress
Whilst standing waiting expectantly on the course-way for the Empress to appear from among the hoards of harassed and jet lagged fellow travellers...     


Princess' eye was drawn to a complete vision of loveliness. I watched as a rather elegant lady took her time strolling gracefully along the gangway... pausing occasionally to window shop... at the various outlets along the way with her take-on luggage gently wheeling along behind her...

I noted how serenely resplendent she looked in her fashionable black and white designer apparel, couture stockings and sensible shoes... 


I've never seen anyone disembark from a plane looking so fresh and elegant after a 4 hour flight!...


Then... a glint of recognition and it suddenly dawned on me....


....approaching the woman I said....



"Excuse me Madam... But Who Are You?" 


and


 "What Have You Done with the Empress????"







"Oh Hi" she said smiling... "You mean this little number?" twirling as if on a cat walk and playing to the paparazzi... "It's new!"...


"Well... it certainly is!" I said... "I almost missed you dressed like that...


Since when have you gotten about in an above the knee black leather look shift... printed black stockings, semi heels and a-symmetric top?"


"Since "The Girls" told me that for an old broad I still have a great set of pins on me!" (She does) laughing.... " Of course I told them that I looked like mutton dressed up as lamb... but they insisted on buying me this one and two more like it that you will just have to wait and see when we get home!....


"And by the way.... the style's growing on me!"



"You look Great!" I said as we exchanged hugs and kisses...



"I know" she replied... "But I'm exhausted 3 weeks over there is about 2 weeks too long...Now let's get the suitcase and go home... I'd kill for a green tea!" 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

We Interrupt this Programme....


With the Empress away... It seems that Princess has been spending far too much time on the interwebs and has had her connectivity speed cut by her ISP....

Too many  porn studded meanderings.. musical interludes and visiting every one to have my say has caused an over use of my allocation and reduction in speed...
Verbosity can be a bitch some times!

So until after the weekend when my hours will re-set, I will not be persisting in attempting to post or visit you very much given that  it now takes me over an hour to do what I once did in 10 minutes... 

(Old age can be a bitch too!)

Any way... the Empress fly's in this afternoon so I'm off to the Airport

A visit to the big smoke the big smoke might be just the distraction I need....

Tootles!( well until my server speed increases again Dhaaarlings...)

I'm taking a precautionary brunch coat with me should the Empress have decided to arrive displaying her "New Clothes" on the baggage carousel...

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Empress Takes Leave...



Hello Dhaaarlings...



Princess popped the Empress on a flight to Perth in Western Australia  two weeks ago...


She is spending time with my sister and her family... and catching up with the grand children of whom she doesn't get to see a lot of as we live on opposite sides of the country 


From all reports she is having a lovely time... Sisters group of friends adore her and have adopted her as their own and she is catching up on lost time by catching up with what has been happening in all of their lives...


Seeing them all again in person is just so different compared to a catch up over the phone occasionally...


I'm lead to believe that the Empress is being treated to numerous shopping sprees... and fated with gifts and trinkets (none of which is at her own expense!) and will be returning with a whole new wardrobe...


We are off to make the rounds of specialists beginning the week after her return, so I will keep you all posted on that front when we know more...














I just hope that there isn't an excess baggage fee... Again! 


I'm almost dreading what might greet me at the baggage claim later in the week when I go to pick her up from her sojourn!


I may well have to hire a Ute to get us home Darlings....










 Princess is making the most of her time alone... I still have fresh raspberries in the garden... And Vodka!








You know that you are always welcome to join me!

Till then Darlings....





Bottoms UP!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

A Potty Princess... Still!


Hello Dhaaarlings...


I'm still all potty and have a few more tea pots from my small collection to show you...


Royal Doulton Chamber Pot





Some tea pots from my blue period...


The oriental looking thing with the wire handles was procured for the grand price of $2.00 at an opportunity shop... A real steal! Although the original was probably only $1.50 at a cheap import shop! It has a "Made in Japan" signed in blue glaze on the bottom. 
On further inspection... it appeared to have been well used, not a chip on it anywhere, and with tannin stains coating the inside. 


So... at that price I had to give it a new home... It makes a nice pot of tea and I'm continuing to develop the tannin patina!






The hand thrown clay pot is by a Tasmanian Artisan... Who's name I have long forgotten... but it along with several other pottery items cost me a fortune to get home on the plane due to an excess baggage fee! 


All my new treasures were packed into a separate bag which I had intended to take on to the plane as my hand luggage. Sadly... the bag was "Three Inches Over sized" and weighed "almost a tonne" according to "Trolly Dolly Nazi" with a smug little smile on his "I know I'm just so cute face"... that booked me in at the airline counter!


 "Bitch!" I thought... I bet you don't complain about an extra 3 inches when you're down on your knees darling!" but I digress...





This little teapot was given to me one Christmas by a dear work colleague whom over the years I have sadly lost contact with... 


It again fits the "house boy" category of "Quite useless but pretty to look at!" 








My Blurry blue Enamel is my trusty stand-by and the one that I use when going on a camping trip in the great outdoors... Not that I do that much of it these days...
Well not outdoors any way... Camping is more of an indoor sport around 
"The Palais"






I'm buggered if I know where I picked this one up! 
I know it was in a pottery studio somewhere... and it didn't cost me a lot as it was a prototype the potter was developing. He was working with blue and green oxides and a new clear glaze and as it is a prototype the flower designs are different shapes and sizes on either side of the pot


The first time I filled it with boiling water the glaze took on an all over crackled effect!


Probably not meant to happen but at least it still holds its water and makes a nice cup of tea....





The rustic grey blue hand thrown would have to be my favourite.


 I only use it on special occasions.


I love the overall shape of the tea pot and the way that the handles look as if they are in movement, swirling our from the front and back of the pot.


 You can see how they have been pulled and stretched into position by the artist. The abstract lines of the etched design give the pot a delightful three dimensional textural feel when it is held and I really like the flat lid which fits well and adds a little quirkiness. It is very organic and as a tea pot... it pours... beautifully... 


Now.... I think I'll just pop the kettle on... 


Let's use the Blue/ Grey clay shall we? 


How do you have your tea? 






Bottoms up Darlings...

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Say It With Flowers....




Oh!.... You shouldn't have...




Just pop them into one of the vases I've readied would you Darling...

The place seems to be overflowing with flowers...
And I'm running out of Houseboys



I just love Jasmine... Don't you?






And someone even sent some roses...

I've asked the royal Photographer to take a few snaps for  posteriority....








But you seem to have caught me in the middle of practising my Ikebana 

It is such a relaxing form of floral f  art...







I think this one is coming along nicely....



Happy Valentines Darlings...

And it is the year of the arse after all...


Monday, February 13, 2012

Celebrating......... The Year Of The Arse......


Hello Dhaaarlings....

More beach bums for you to salivate... I mean celebrate!










Bottoms Up!....


Saturday, February 11, 2012

Models in Their Scanties.....


Hello Dhaaarlings...






Behind the Scenes of the latest Hamish&Co Photo-shoot, featuring Australian Company 
Sly Underwear.


I think I need to make a few purchases...

Friday, February 10, 2012

Save Yourself The Embarrassment... I did Dhaaarlings...


I was baffled!...



Who knew that leaving your table napkins laying about could create such an embarrassment?



I just had to rush down to the shop and ask for a pre wrapped box of table napkins ...

Although for some reason the explanation from the very helpful clerk seemed more embarrassing than buying a box of condoms!


Whilst he was packaging my purchase... 


I spied this!...


Just the thing!... I thought


It is always nice to let a potential suitor know what it is that you are seeking... 


A little drop of glue on the back with the trusty hot glue gun to attach a safety pin and... Hey Presto!... You have your own subtle advertising badge.


Pin one to your sporran at the next highland gathering you attend and see if you can't catch a caber or two...








Here's looking up your kilt.... Darlings...
  

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Beach Bums...


Hello Dhaaarlings...










I just love Summer...

... Don't you Darlings?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Is It That Time Of The Month...


Hello Dhaaarlings...



What better way is there Darlings than utilising Glamorous Houte Couture  to promote feminine hygiene products... I ask you?


I just want the frock...


Come on Baby Light My Fire....




Hello Dhaaarlings...








I found this whilst roaming the u-tuba's...
It's Marvellous Mae with a cover of "The Doors"...
"Light My Fire"


Watch it to the end and listen for some Classic Mae...


Who Knew???...

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Princess Goes Potty.... Again...


Hello Dhaaarlings...


French Silver Chamber Pot with a very wide flange...

After yesterday's peek into Princesses Tea Pot mania I thought I'd introduce you to another
  
"Interesting Specimen"

 from my collection... by the way the answer to yesterday's question 

"What is missing from the chamber pot?"
the answer was...

"P"

Being the usually observant lot that you are I was amused that no one spotted the mistake in the first picture in yesterdays post...  there wasn't a prize... 
but if you did spot it... you didn't say so... not to worry... let it go Princess....

Now where was I?....

Oh... that's right!

Today... I would like to introduce to you my "Chinese Crab Pot" 




Another somewhat dubious purchase from a stall holder during my travels in China.

Being the Cancerian that I am... I was immediately attracted to the little crab that is the handle for the lid of the tea pot.



Originally it was black in colour with a set of six matching tea cups... 
And once again... on arriving home I decided to wash it prior to use...

Big Mistake!

As I scrubbed away...  to my horror....the black which I had thought to be a matt ceramic glaze finish... began to wash away in the warm sudsy water...

On investigating both the pot and the cups further it... seemed that the Bisque wear had been coated with something resembling boot polish! 
It simply washed off! 

Despite the fact that the pot this time actually held water (no leaks) and poured quite delightfully... I have never been game enough to use it for fear of what I might ingest!



The cups have long since been broken or thrown out during the course of several moves.... 




...and the Crab on the lid has lost a leg due to a rather unfortunate altercation with a flying fork!... 

I had some rather exuberant friends over one evening for a dinner party... 
Of course... the champagne flowed and as it did... the more it was consumed and the more exuberant my guests became.  One friend in particular is forever waiving his arms about during dinner conversation as he becomes more excited by the tale he is telling at the time.... and this time... while building toward the punch-line for his big finale... let go of his fork!

... said fork went hurtling through the air (looking like it was almost in slow motion) and clattering into the shelving behind him which held my display of Tea Pots and other assorted ceramics. After all the tinkling and clattering the fork finally came to rest... you guessed it... on the Crab Pot... 

Fortunately... The Crab was the only casualty from this most memorable event.... hence the resultant leg loss! (Of the Crab... Not the Friend! He still apologises profusely when we catch up and I make a point of laying a setting at the table minus a fork!)


So my darlings... the "Crab Pot" has joined the ranks of other useless things (Like the Houseboys) laying about "The Palais" looking pretty and gathering dust. But like the Houseboys I just can't seem to part with it!

Useless Tea Pots!

 Do you see a theme brewing here?


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Princess Goes Potty...


Q:What doth the piss pot miss?

No!... Not that sort of Potty Darlings...

This sort of Potty... Tea Potty



Whilst Mistress MJ laments the passing of a by gone British era....
That being... The demise of a "Proper" Cup of Tea... along with Red phone boxes, Red pillar mail boxes and Red Double Decker Buses... 

and having put out the call to rally around and "Save our Cuppa along with our teapot"

Princess has a confession to make...

For many years now Princess has been a collector of the humble teapot.

I don't have too many of them... nothing in the "expensive" collector categorie... but the ones that I do have are quite special to me hold their own stories and memories.  

The one pictured above... I found in a Hong Kong market... It is very heavy to lift...I think being made form metal panels soldered together... It is octagonal in shape and has seven inlaid panels of exotic ladies in traditional gowns behind small windows of glass... each wearing a different costume and hairstyle.
I was quite taken with its design... And couldn't wait with excitement at the thought of taking it home and giving it a test run.




But alas... it was not to happen

After carefully unwrapping it from its packaging and while washing and rinsing it thoroughly in anticipation of making a fresh brew... to my horror it started to leak! Just like a sieve! 

Despite my sense of disappointment and the fact that I couldn't just pop back to Hong Kong to make a complaint or exchange...

It remains one of my favourite decorative accoutrements... and just like my houseboys.... totally useless but pretty to look at!

I will endeavour to display for you over coming posts some of the other

"Teapot Treasures"  from my collection.

In the meantime I think I'll just pop the kettle on and make a fresh pot in



  "Old Faithful" and dress him up in "Sam the Ram" (my favourite tea cosy) whilst contemplating my next potty post...

Bottoms up Darlings

Friday, February 3, 2012

Celebrating.... A quiet spell...


Hello Dhaaarlings...

Things are rather quiet here at the Palais as you might well have guessed from my slack efforts at posting recently...

I don't have an awful lot to tell you... or many new creations to show you though no doubt that will change as the year goes on...

The Empresses Health scare has settled to awaiting a referral to see a specialist which won't happen until the end of the month... so as of the end of the week the Empress will be flying off to Western Australia to visit my Sister and her family in Perth.

In the mean time I'm managing to potter about in the vegetable garden, and managing to complete some sewing projects started mid last year but put on hold once I started making  stage costumes.

A friend of the Empresses who is in her 80's has had a stash of pure French, Italian and Indian silk fabric that she has collected via gifts from her own family over the years. She is no longer able to sew for herself and has asked me to turn the fabric into some skirts and blouses for her. 

So... This is my current project. No pictures as yet but they wont be far away.

I've also been asked by one of my Nieces to make her a sun dress.
 As she has herself a little part time job, she insisted on paying for the fabric and we both had a lot of fun browsing through pattern catalogues for ideas.
We have drafted the pattern block in her size and can now go about designing and making the pattern pieces.

It's her birthday at the end of the month so hopefully if all goes to plan she will have a new party dress to celebrate in!

So my darlings while I take a little break from the Phaff and relax with a little cuppa...





Here's something nice to look at...

Celebrate "The Year Of The Arse"




Now... Here's three arse to celebrate Darlings