Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Passing....

An Uncle died early Friday morning. The Empresses Brother. It was not unexpected. He had had a long battle with cancer. May he rest in Peace

 As a kid I never really liked him much. He was often loud and dismissive, yelling at us kids rather than talking and always giving orders."Get outside!  Do this!... Go there"... I didn't know at the time but, as I grew older I recognised that his behaviour was sheer and utter bullying. Reflection confirmed why I didn't like him much and at about the same time, I realised where his bullying came from. His Father. My Grandfather. He was the master bully. Always right even if he was wrong. Domineering. Quick to temper and never far form becoming loud, abusive and belittling in his manner toward anyone in the family. As a kid I used to become frightened of him when he would come to visit or we would have to go to visit him. It got even worse when through circumstance my family had to move into his house I don't think he was ever happier than when he had orchestrated situations whereby the whole extended family would be at each others throats in reaction to his manipulation and troublemaking. My Grandmother, Bless her, managed to keep him on a very tight leash and would often diffuse ugly situations by causing food to magically appear, managing to distract him from his tirades. However, on her passing his behaviour became more erratic.
To anyone outside the family, he had the reputation of being a "wonderfully caring old man" But with his family he was a manipulative controlling Old Bastard who used bullying as his primary tool of operation, managing to  have the whole family constantly at his beck and call, never showing any gratitude or thanks toward them for doing his bidding.
My Uncle inherited these traits. As an adult I can see this clearly. I can not blame him as he had no other option at the time and had such a wonderful role model and teacher in his father. But I can forgive him now and forgive myself for not trying to mend bridges before now. But "Life" it is what it is.

In the past few months there has been a lot of healing between estranged families. The Empress spent some Quality time with him and his family earlier in the year while he was still well enough to be at home. Many
 phone calls and Loving goodbyes since he returned to hospital a month ago. He was not expected to linger as long as he did and had his medical team baffled as to how long he could maintain the struggle to continue.

Fortunately for him and his family watching him die, the agony is over. My Aunt phoned the Empress last week to say that he was lapsing in and out of a coma and that she had said to him while keeping vigil at his bedside. "It's OK darling, you can just close your eyes and go now, we will all be fine." he opened his eyes and said to her with a slight smile on his face "What? Do think I'm not trying? Some people just don't know how hard it is to die....

I'm putting the Empress on a flight in the morning so she can be with the family at the memorial service.


  1. this has been our weekend for goodbyes, sugar. my condolences to your family. xoxoxo

  2. So sorry for your loss.

    "He was not expected to linger as long as he did and had his medical team baffled as to how long he could maintain the struggle to continue."

    Some people live difficult lives and have not formed an attitude about their own death or dying. When they reach the end of the line they cling to it desperately trying to control the inevitable.

    Facing your own mortality can be terrifying.

  3. Family is still family no matter what we feel or do.
    Take the best and purge the worst, hurt none in the process if possible....

    The things that you already think & do, my dear....

    To you & The, Empress, my sympathies.


  4. The bully...there's one in every family.

    Hugs from Mistress MJ.

  5. Mein aufrichtiges Beileid, my sincere condolences, dear Princess.

  6. Blessings for you and the Empress my princess.

    So sorry for your loss.