Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Monday, December 19, 2011

A Little Christmas Booty...


Hello Dhaaarlings...

Just the other night while rifling through some of the boxes full of Christmas trinkets and baubles collected over the years ...

 I re-discovered my oldest and most favourite of all my decorations....



"My Old Boot"

It is an old "Santa Boot" Christmas ornament... made from cardboard, tulle net, tinsel and glitter....


That I am told... (by a very reliable source... ie The Empress) was originally filled with chocolates and hung to decorate the Christmas tree.


It... like me... has seen many a Christmas and many better days...


Indulge me a moment while I tell you tell you its tale...

"The Old Boot" was given to me by my parents for my very first Christmas in 


1962


I hear you gasp as you're thinking..
 "Surely Princess can't be that old? She looked so young in that newspaper article the other day... My my he has kept himself well... either that or he's had some work done".


Alright enough!


It wasn't such an Old boot back then but a brand spanking shiny New Boot


 Bright red in colour and sprinkled with large glittery sparkles in all different colours. 
The net around the top was a vivid white and closed with a little drawstring that when closed would allow you to hang it from the tree.


And it was originally full of chocolates, and then every year after that, amazingly Santa would re fill it with "Smarties"* overnight

Over the years the boot would be hung along with all the other decorations and tinsel on the tree. As my younger siblings arrived
 (me being the eldest of 4) they too had a "Special Ornament" bought for them and also hung on the tree. 


My brother, a Golden Glass bird with a tinsel tail. I remember that it  wobbled on a spring that clipped on to a branch. 


My sister, when she arrived two years later, was given a pale pink fairy that had little net wings and a little magic wand in its hand. It was all hand stitched silk thread and glass bead embroidered. 


My youngest brother as I recall claimed most of the tree ornaments as his own. But by that time I was much older and "grown up" so it really didn't matter.


Each year as the family grew my "Santa Boot" would rise higher and higher on the tree... much to my siblings angst. 
"Why does Princesses old boot always have to go higher than everyone else's?" they would cry..." My Bird / Fairy / Stars  should go up higher this year...


Why is he so special"


But our Mother "The Empress" would always respond


"When will you kids realise that each of you are special to your father and I? 


That boot... Yes it was bought for Princess the year he was born... 


But... that year was also our first Christmas in this house as a family.


 The only Christmas decoration that we could afford for the tree that first year was that Santa Boot... We had no money for anything else.
Your Dad and I sat and ate the chocolates on the floor by the tree while we took turns at rocking Princess in the pram trying to get the little bugger to go to sleep...

It's because of the memories that that boot holds for your father and I that he always makes sure that the Boot goes to the top of the tree"...


It's not because Princess is any more special than the rest of you!


And that would end the arguments


Years later when I moved out of home.... as she did for all of us... the Empress presented me with a box of Christmas Decorations.
Wrapped in tissue paper on the top was "The old Boot"


"But Empress" I said "I can't take that. You keep it please. I know the meaning that it has for you and the memories that it holds."


"No" she said. "It was bought for you... So that is where it belongs... With you... and where ever you go and wherever you are living you will think of me and your father every Christmas"







Like me... the old thing is a bit worse for ware these days. Faded to a pink from it's original red... It has lost more glitter than remains, the netting is ripped and dusty and it sill has the original tinsel twine that Mum added to it about 40 years ago "so as to hang it better on the tree" dangling limply from its side...
The little sprig of holly leaves have crackled and peeled in brittle age and a few of the red berries have gone missing in action over time.
I noticed this year that it has developed a large split along one side where the sole meets the upper. 
The poor old thing looks quite sad really.
But some of the glitter, despite its age, still manages to sparkle when the light shifts






 All in all... It is still my favourite... and I think... still holds its own among the newer and flashier baubles...


And the Empress was right... Every Christmas wherever I have happened to be... as soon as I find the old boot... I hear mum telling the story of She and Dad as newly weds and new parents.... sitting under the Christmas tree eating chocolates and rocking me in the pram, and all the memories of Christmas past come flooding back.








*"Smarties" are our equivalent of M&M's for those of you not familiar with the real thing.

Friday, December 16, 2011

OH!... Christmas Tree?.... That's Right....


Hello Dhaaarlings...
with everyone in the festive spirit Princess thought she'd better do something ..... Festive

Losing track of time this year I'm running a little late with getting into the festive mood but I did make a small effort...

 So I managed to dust off a few trinkets last night and this is the result. 



It is only a small effort... as space is of a premium around "The Palais"

In other years the whole place has been festooned with Christmas lights,
the posts along the front verandah are usually wrapped with red light ropes to imitate candy canes along with strings of fairy-lights strewn about the garden...

This year my "get up and go" has "gotten up and went" regarding an outdoor light show usually complete with the Empresses Spot lit Nativity scene.
This year... Nothing!

I guess the coffee table will have to suffice...



Ho Hum...

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Well... That's IT!

I'm Knackered...



My work is done....

For another threehundred and sixtythree days...
Unless of course it's a leap year.... meaning I get my forthyearly extra day off Woo Hoo!

Guess that means it's party big time!


And lots of time to catch up with the Elves...



For some nekkid swimming...



Ho Ho Ho!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Tis The Season....

HO! HO! HO! Dhaarlings...


At about this time last year I did a post with some

"Silly Season Stocking Fillers"



So again... I thougt I'd post some more ideas for those of you...
Still wondering what to get for that someone special... 
You all know how helpful Princess likes to be....


So here are this years selection of last minute Stocking fillers...


Cocktail Sun Glasses?


Perhaps a book...



Masturbation Creme?

Or...


Perhaps for when these wear off?



Penis Hoopla?

Or if they don't already have one...

 What about providing them the opportunity?...




Or try some of this Gum For that special person...




Something for the Mistress ?


Some Fancy Finery?






I've managed to Find my own Stocking Fellas Dhaarlings





And Remember... there are only Two more Sleeps

Merry Christmas Dhaaarlings....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Now Showing at "The Palais"....

Ho! Ho! Ho!



 
Seasons Greetings Dhaarlings...


 

Milkriver Madman has utterly excelled himself with this weeks theme for
Movie Clip Wednesday

"Favourite Christmas Movie"

There just couldn't be a more timely theme could there?
Such an absolute cornucopia wonderful happy movies with a Christmas theme
There is a list of 100 of them Here

Scrooge, And all it's variations, I think takes the prize for the most remakes of any Christmas themed movie. But there were others that came to mind.
Classics like "Miracle on 34th street" "It's a wonderful life" which are quite touching. Funny comedic themes like "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" with the Griswolds, "Elf" with Will Farrell, "Polar Express", "The Santa Clause"
Or, Tim Burton's "Nightmare before Christmas" and the wiers and whacky "Grinch that stole Christmas" with Jim Carey. My favourite of the "Scrooge" remakes would have to be "Scrooged" with Bill Murray.

But my personal selection for this week strikes a very special chord within me.

And if you will, indulge me while I give you some background...
I really do love all things Christmas

"Princess as Santa"


I have had the wonderful experience of playing Santa Claus for many years (initially with a Professional Photographer at a local shopping centre and now volunteering at local community functions) I found myself strangely drawn to this movie. "Why?" you ask... Well let me tell you.

I find Christmas time to be one of the most wondrous times of the year for little children, and adults that are still children at heart.
The look of awe, but more often, the terror on their little faces.
With over anxious parents literally pushing the kid toward the big fat hairy man in a bright red suit.
(It used to frighten the hell out of me as a kid.)
(And it is such an un natural appearance for anyone, what with all the white hair and beard, red suit trimmed with fur, the boots and white gloves, let alone in Australia where Christmas falls in the height of Summer with tempertures usually in the high 30's C... Pure craziness I know, but I do it anyway.)
 Bribing them with offers of treats or toys to stand near Santa and have a photo taken for "Grandma"... And the kid digging in its heels and screaming in fright and then trying to pull away from Mummy's vice like grip. The poor kid I think is scarred for life after that type of experience.

Sometimes I'd just want to slap these pushy parents but instead...

 Santa  would calmly reassure the parents and suggest that Mum/Dad take a deep breath and let the kid descide to approach Santa at it's own pace. If that meant several trips to visit and get accustomed to the old fat man in the red suit, before gaining the courage to stand there for a photo with him, then so be it. Most of the time this approach worked and the parents thanked me once they had the all important photo, for suggesting it to them.
This approach I found was so much more fun than all the screaming, tantrums, the tears and the arguments (and that was often from the parents)

 Then there are the other parents that are just wonderful.
 They get the whole Santa thing. They have bought the myth and are happy to reinforce it by  continued indoctrination.

The kids of these parents come running at first glimpse with arms outsretched and gleefully yelling Santa! Santa! All wide-eyed and full of questions.

For them the fantasy is made real....
 Great long lists of I wants and will you bring me's... and are quite up front some of them....
Some kids even present Santa with a drawing, or a small toy or a lolly.

One little Kid even bought along their dummy/pacifiers to give to Santa as proof that "I'm big now Santa"...

And as I said.... Constant and never ending Questions...

 "Where have you parked the Reindeer Santa?"
 "Is Rudolph with you?"
"Where is Mrs Claus? Did you leave her at home?"
"Who's home making sure them elves are still working while you're here" 
"I wont be home this year Santa do you know where Grandma and Grandpa live so you can leave the presents there?"
"Santa... We don't have a chimney so I'll leave the door open for you is that alright?"
"What do the reindeer eat?"
"Are milk and cookies alright? Because Mum said to leave out some shortbread and Dad said you'd want a beer."
"What does Mrs Santa say when you get home drunk from all the beers? Does she yell like Mummy?"

Santa really has to think on his feet sometimes...

The Mall that I worked in had a glassed roof and when the Kids asked where the reindeer were parked, I'd respond that they were "parked up on the roof". pointing toward the cieling.
I was always astonished by the number of parents that would also look up trying to see the reindeer!


And then there are the Kids that watch your every move. They will test you with a barrage of "proof" questions to see whether you're the real deal or not.

Some kids have really, really thought the questions through

 Like asking...
"If you're the real Santa... Name all the reindeer then."
 "And...What do the elves do when they're not making toys?" and 
"How do you land the sleigh on the roof and not make a noise?" and
"Why don't you wear shorts when it's hot?"
 "How do you make the reindeer fly".....

And Oh.... Just fuck off with all the questions!!!!

Imagine if you will... this barrage for four long weeks...

If you pass the inquisition some of them can turn into "Santa Police" and become regular visitors providing field reports on your "Other Helpers".

One kid gave me field reports on the performance of other "helpers" he had met in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

"Santa, we had one of your helpers,... because he wasn't you.... at the party at our place last night. And when he'd gone home, I found his hat and the bag he had the presents in, on the floor in Daddy's wardrobe.... I showed Dad. 
He said that he wasn't a very good Santa then. That's not right is it? Like he shouldn't leave his hat and bag behind should he?

Santa's (My) response "Well... No, and I guess I'll have to remind him to make sure he takes everything home with him after the next party he goes to, at the next "Santas' Helpers" meeting."

"Good.  You do that Santa. Because he's not doing it right is he?
You don't leave your bag and hat behind... do you Santa, because I've checked around your chair when you're not here..."

And then... on another day... the same kid fronts me with...

 "Santa, one of your helpers lives in a house up the road from me, and this morning I saw him out walking a dog. That's just not right is it.? He shouldn't be doing that should he?"

Santas' (My) response to this question was...

" Well no... he should have been walking a reindeer at that hour of the day.."

And the kid says...

" That's what I thought. So I told him that I'd come and talk to you about it."

Then there was the time when I wasn't too sure on how to respond to the kid that approached me and whispered behind his hand away from his Mother...

"Santa... For Christmas ... can you come to our house again in you're
nude suit?"
"Because.. Mum really likes it and giggles when you only wear your hat!"...

Mum turned bright red with embarrassment... while Santa quickly let that one go through to the keeper and asked the kid what else he wanted for Christmas


Anyway the whole Santa thing..  is actually... the only product that I begrudgingly thank the "Red Can Cola Company" and their advertising gurus for.
The gig of playing Santa has kept me in gainful employment at this time of the year 
for the past few years at least.

And despite the incessant questions, requests, tantrums, vomiting, leaking of bodily fluids, sore back, neck, and arse from sitting for hours on end...
I thoroughly love every minute of it...
And therefore... I now present for your entertainment and enjoyment my

Favourite Christmas Movie.

It's like a training manual for how not to be a Santa, but I discovered while watching it that I held such an affinity with Billy Bob and many of the scenes seemed so familiar to my own experiences over the years. Well apart from shagging Mrs. Santa's Sister.
Some days I wished that I could respond in the same way that he does.
But my own sense of Christmas wonderment doesn't allow me to.

A very Merry Christmas to you all...
And remember... there are only 3 more sleeps! 



Happy Festive Movie Clip Wednesday...

 


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tis The Season....





Have you hung your stockings yet Dhaaarlings?




Bruce has let me in on a secret...



I do hope your bar is well stocked...

I hear Santa has quite a thirst... 




Remember...

Only 4 more Sleeps Dhaaarlings....

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tis The Season....





Only 8 more Sleeps



Thursday, December 24, 2009

Would you like to spend Christmas on Christmas Island?


Welcome to Christmas in Australia...


Did you know that Australia has it's own piece of paradise called Christmas Island...


Sounds idyllic does it not?



You will arrive surrounded by pristine tropical waters...



Then taken here.....


and welcomed to your accomodation...

Welcome to Australia "Mate"


And the best that we can do is send you home with...


Christmas island crabs!


Yes I said Crabs!
Merry Christmas?