And welcome to the 2011 Winter Ball at "Palais de Steff"
I've been putting the final touches to some lovely ice sculptures
And please help yourself to the Gin Fountain
And I must say how totally impressed that I am with all your entries this year. Princess certainly had her work cut out for her with so many eager participants.
It seems that most of you have been viing for winning the obviously much coveted
"Most Appalling Frock"
Giving last years winner Petra a run for her money.
Several of our entrants gowns looked positively hideous even though they had been entered in the "Most Appealing Frock" category...
Really people!!... Where is your taste?... All in your mouths I suspect!
As I rummaged through my slot... some of the entries caused me to become quite bilious...
Several of the houseboys claimed to be so frightened they ran off into the snow...
But I think that was just an excuse...
to avoid working on the preparations for the ball...
Then... when it came to having to to handle the frocks... well.... some of the Organising Committee screamed and ran from the room in horror.
(The Empress and her friends may never recover)
Although their little eyes did light up at the sight of "Petra's Pride" outfit.
"What an awful waste Maud" I heard the Empress say...
"Just think of all the loofah/body mop/nylon netting shower pom pom on a string thingamie's we could recycle this into for the next jumble sale.... Remember to "hide" it after the show won't you Maud"
Ladies Gentlemen and those of you who profess not to be...
Without further ado. After much tabulating, counting and re-counting and waiting for the fat lady to start singing...
I can now announce this years winners.
The Prize for the 2011 Fabulous Frock Competition
"Most Appealing Frock"
Goes to...
Oh Fuck!.... Fuckity Fuck Fuck Fuck!
We have a Tie!
Contestant #8 Savannah
And
Contestant #1 Mistress MJ
Savannah and her "Beautiful Balenciaga" and MJ with her "Butler Baiter"
"MOTHER!"...
"I NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE"...
(That's me Crying darlings not our winners)
"What is all this wailing Princess? What do you you wan't now?"
"I want you to pick the most appealing gown Mother"
"But haven't all your bogger friend people in that machine voted Dear?"
"Well they have Mother but... Savannah and MJ have tied...again!"....
"Didn't they tie last year darling?"
"Yes they did Mother"
"Well...I don't want to choose darling. They are both lovely and have gone to so much effort..."
"And Maud said"...
"I'd put money on both them two frocks Empress... if I was a gambling woman"
Didn't you Maud?... while we were sorting through the entries"...
"Savannah knows a winner when she sees it... that Mr Balenciwhatsit is quite a dish for a foreign type...and look at the knife edge pleating..."
"And we all know what happened once Mr Butler saw MJ's heaving bosom in that gown... He couldn't wait to fondle her swathes of ginger velvet."
"If Savannah and MJ have tied again... then they obviously have Style.
A quality that is not given but one that one is born with... and sadly a quality that seems lost on you Princess..."
"Stop weeping, next you'll be blaming Miss Scarlet's cute little doggie for leaving puddles all over the Palais....
Just give them a hip flask each and be done with!"
Well.... Congratulations Savannah and MJ!
You have held on to your crowns for the second year running!!
And both of you will receive for your effort
This Lovely Hip Flask... or one just like it!
(As soon as I can find another)
Thank you Empress..
A big round of applause for our joint winners if you please...
Savannah and Mistress MJ
I hear the fat lady warming up again....
And now folks we move on to our most coveted award...
the
"Most Appalling Frock"
And this year the runaway winner on the runway is...
Contestant #12
Miss Mitzi
and her appalling homage to "Beef Curtains"
Congratulations Mitzi...
People... will you please refrain from vomiting on the floor the Houseboys are standing by with buckets for your convenience...
This Appropriately Appalling Cocktail shaker and matching straws will be cumming your way...
(as soon as you send me your postal address)
That concludes this years awards darlings.
So please join me for more cocktails at the bar to celebrate our victors and comisserate with the vanquished
The dance floor is also fully prepared for your enjoyment
That's All Folks!
