Health an Safety Announcement...

A message on behalf of the management...

Thank you...

You too can look beautiful Dhaaarlings....

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Ladies...Check your Rack... Please!

This Little Tale arrived Via Email

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM I actually kept my mammogram appointment.  I was met with, "Hi!  I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" Fine, I answered.. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back." Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" "And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...." The Mammogram Machine was obviously designed by a man.  If it were a penis scanner...  You can bet that it would be padded and heated with a vibration control to boot. Many of you may have read the above already... but... On a more serious note this post is also a timely reminder to get a regular Mammogram done. I say this because... recently the Empresses "Avon Lady" has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer along with The "Avon Lady's" Daughter, both in the same week! They have both started therapy together this week. Our prayers are with them both. Regular screening is essential... so if you havn't already... Ladies.... Get your baps pressed now Dhaaarlings...

Public Service Announcement....

Flood Mitigation Works

Given the disasterous impact of our recent weather events...

All streets will now be issued with rainfall diversion systems...

Please note : There will be some disruption to regular traffic while these systems are being installed by our dilligent team of workers.

Thank you for your cooperation...

This has been Princess...

 with another public service announcement...

Your regular programming will resume shortly...

Thank You.

Please Explaaaain...

I just don't understand...

If you can interpret this sign for me....

I would be most greatful... I'd hate to think I was doing something inappropriate...

Dhaaarlings

Flying Monkey Alert.

Hello Dhaarlings...

I was just on my way through to check out my latest purchases for the new orchidarium

When my progress was suddenly bought to a mesmerising halt.

Flying Monkeys had been unleashed within The Palais...

And hoards of guests had arrived without my knowlwdge

So....After seeing to the guests leave...

I just had to book the cheeky monkeys for a private performance...



Duck and Cover...

One can never be too careful...



Lost in translation...

Hello Dhaaarlings...

I just love eating out...

 Don't you?...

In my defence... I'd just like to say that each of the lovely security guards did help me to sort it out over the course of the evening...(the horny little devils)

and I was up $200 by the end of the night....Bonus!

I guess that I was the good time had by all...

Who would have thought?...