The Trouble with Russell....

Hello again Dhaaarlings...

Do you like Gladiator Movies ?....

Princess did..until Dhaarling Russell put paid to that fantasy for me...

In his Epic Movie 'Gladiator'




So I called him....

'Russell' I said...

 'What happened Dharling? Your acting usually enthralls me to the point where I'm hanging on your every word and at the edge of my seat waiting for your next scene...

But in this role there is something very very wrong Dharling...
 
You know that I am your biggest fan Dhaarling...
 
No... I'm the other one Dhaarling...remember me?

Yes... that's right Dhaarling... Princess...

Oooh Russell... *giggling* you do remember me Dhaarling...
 
 But Dhaaarling... about this movie...
It just completely fails to grab my attention...

No Dhaarling.... as much as I would love to be pulling on your leg...
I am serious Dhaarling...
 
You may find this odd... but I have attempted to watch it on no less than 5 seperate occasions Dhaarling...
And I am yet to get past the first few scenes without nodding off...
 and then I awake to this beautiful piece of music...

 The piece with you rubbing your perfect hand through the wheat field Dharrling... 
Yes that's the one... right before the closing credits!

I know Dhaarling... it is most unusual...

But that piece of music is...well.. just  Divine...so moving... so  haunting... simply wonderful Dhaaarling...

Now Russell Dhaarling... I've called you... as I was wondering if you could do me a little favour?...

Yes Dhaarling.. a favour... for Princess...

Well Dhaarling...

 I wondered if it would be too much trouble for you to possibly pop back into the movie and change a few of the scenes for me...

Yes really Dhaarling...

I'm serious Dhaarling... well just a couple of scenes Dhaarling...

Well I thought that some of the early scenes could be made a little more  well let's face it... exciting...

So that they might grab my attention a little more... perhaps you could experiment by wearing a little less clothing?...

Don't be such a prude Dhaarling...

What is wrong with riding a steed into battle straddled naked upon its back?...

It would...I think... add a sense of historic realism Dhaarling...

Oh... Oh Dhaarling...  I'm sorry to hear that your nuts were almost crushed under that skirt...

But Dhaarling... I just thought that a little bit of costume tweaking from you might capture my intrigue and help me to stay awake past the bit where you get picked up by those lusty slave traders...

What do you mean "Fuck off Princess?"...

Oh...Sorry Dhaarling...

I didn't realise that your boys were playing today...

Yes Dhaarling... Go the Rabbitohs...

Well Dhaarling...I'll let you get back to the match...

But do give it some thought... won't you Dhaarling?... 

In the meantime I'll try to get through your movie one more time... but i'm sure that I'll just be waking up to this again"...

Thank goodness for beautiful music...Dhaarlings.