Those Naughty Monty Pythons
I just love a man in uniform....
Don't You?...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
How To Be Glitteringly Glamorous.....
The following is an exerpt from a regular humour column that appeared in a magazine called
"The Auatralian Womans Weekly", which appeared on June 10th 1933...
"its star attraction was L. W. Lower Australia's leading humourist at the time.
Through the depression and the war years Lennie Lower kept them laughing
with his outrageous columns on anything from revising an encyclopedia while
eating a stolen orange to hobnobbing with hitler"
How To Be Glitteringly Glamorous...
Simple Hints for Home Treatment
Lennie Lower
There are quite a number of beauticians from abroad in town at the moment.
It hardly seems fair to us local beauticians to have the country flooded with outsiders, but still I suppose we mustn’t be selfish.
If we can’t learn anything new from them at least we can teach them something.
It’s pure carelessness, more than anything else, that makes a woman look a down and out deadbeat.
Exercise is the great thing. Try standing with the feet apart
and swinging the arms around madly for half an hour.
Have an ambulance waiting outside.
When being carried out on the stretcher, let the arms relax and drag along the ground. This sooths the tendons and gets rid of superfluous flesh off the knuckles.
Deep breathing is excellent for toning up the system. Breathe in through the nose and exhale through the mouth, taking care before commencing to nail down all light articles in the house.
Nothing is more conducive to good health than deep breathing. As a matter of fact, practically any kind of breathing does you good. People who don’t breathe soon get a pasty, haggard look.
There are all sorts of ways one can take necessary exercise in one’s own home.
Shaking cocktails vigorously is one way. Let yourself go when shaking. Shake all over.
Let the cheeks flop up and down so that they completely envelop the ears at intervals. When feeling tired, relax, drink the cocktail and then start all over again with a fresh shaker full.
You will find that after a couple of hours one has such a feeling of wellbeing that it is only with great difficulty that the neighbours can restrain you from smashing all the windows in the district.
That of course, is merely laying the foundations of good health, which is essential in beauty culture.
There are quite a number of good skin foods on the market, but the best are those that you make yourself.
A simple way to tone up the complexion is to rub the face with egg. Leave the egg on for two or three days and wash it off by dabbing with milk holding the face over a bowl.
When removed from the face the mixture in the dish can be used for making excellent pancakes simply by adding a little flour and sugar.
Many women are worried by an over supply of fat on the hips. For this, try rolling on the floor whenever you think of it. Do not do it in the street if this can possibly be avoided as it ruins the clothing and accidents may occur…..
April 30 1938
From the book "Humour in the weekly" by Currey O'Neil
"The Auatralian Womans Weekly", which appeared on June 10th 1933...
"its star attraction was L. W. Lower Australia's leading humourist at the time.
Through the depression and the war years Lennie Lower kept them laughing
with his outrageous columns on anything from revising an encyclopedia while
eating a stolen orange to hobnobbing with hitler"
How To Be Glitteringly Glamorous...
Simple Hints for Home Treatment
Lennie Lower
There are quite a number of beauticians from abroad in town at the moment.
It hardly seems fair to us local beauticians to have the country flooded with outsiders, but still I suppose we mustn’t be selfish.
If we can’t learn anything new from them at least we can teach them something.
It’s pure carelessness, more than anything else, that makes a woman look a down and out deadbeat.
Exercise is the great thing. Try standing with the feet apart
and swinging the arms around madly for half an hour.
Have an ambulance waiting outside.
When being carried out on the stretcher, let the arms relax and drag along the ground. This sooths the tendons and gets rid of superfluous flesh off the knuckles.
Deep breathing is excellent for toning up the system. Breathe in through the nose and exhale through the mouth, taking care before commencing to nail down all light articles in the house.
Nothing is more conducive to good health than deep breathing. As a matter of fact, practically any kind of breathing does you good. People who don’t breathe soon get a pasty, haggard look.
There are all sorts of ways one can take necessary exercise in one’s own home.
Shaking cocktails vigorously is one way. Let yourself go when shaking. Shake all over.
You will find that after a couple of hours one has such a feeling of wellbeing that it is only with great difficulty that the neighbours can restrain you from smashing all the windows in the district.
That of course, is merely laying the foundations of good health, which is essential in beauty culture.
There are quite a number of good skin foods on the market, but the best are those that you make yourself.
When removed from the face the mixture in the dish can be used for making excellent pancakes simply by adding a little flour and sugar.
Many women are worried by an over supply of fat on the hips. For this, try rolling on the floor whenever you think of it. Do not do it in the street if this can possibly be avoided as it ruins the clothing and accidents may occur…..
April 30 1938
From the book "Humour in the weekly" by Currey O'Neil
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Now Showing at "The Palais"....
Theme for the 28th April is...
Best Animal Character
I just love this singing frog. He was the first animal character that truly grabbed my attention as a kid
He looked so booring just by the way he slowly crawls out of the shoe box and sits looking, so mournfuly, then lets out that one low croak.
The next thing you see is him reach back into the box and reappear with his top hat and cane and breakes into song....
"How cool is that"? I thought.
See the full clip below....
He looked so booring just by the way he slowly crawls out of the shoe box and sits looking, so mournfuly, then lets out that one low croak.
The next thing you see is him reach back into the box and reappear with his top hat and cane and breakes into song....
"How cool is that"? I thought.
See the full clip below....
As the clip continued I discovered that there are oppertunists are everywhere...
Willing to make a dollar from your talent with out even asking...
But not Michigan J Frog...
He is a true artiste... choosing only to perform when he wants to...
And then... only in front of the guy trying to cash in at Mr Frog's expense...
What a cagey and frustrating way to...
Stimy the luckless profiteers attemps at exploitation....
Not giving in to the demands of a greed filled manager or agent
Paddling his own canoe, on his terms and singing when the mood takes him...
I loved his attitude.
And given his imortality... so what if he got buried in conctrete for another howmany years?...
Was he discouraged by his re-encasement?
I think not!
What is the first thing that he does on his release...
Breaks into song!
That frog's got some balls...
Monday, April 26, 2010
How To Be Beautiful....
The following is an exerpt from a regular humour column that appeared in a magazine called "The Auatralian Womans Weekly", which appeared on June 10th 1933...
"its star attraction was L. W. Lower Australia's leading humourist. through the depression and the war years Lennie Lower kept them laughing with his outrageous columns on anything from revising an encyclopedia while eating a stolen orange to hobnobbing with hitler"
How To Be Beautiful...
Cosmetology Made Easy By the New Lay-On Principle
Lennie Lower
Speaking as one of Australia’s leading cosmetologists, it is with regret that I have to remark that Australian women don’t know how to make up.
Quite a lot of women look as if someone had smacked them in the face with a bag of flower and then followed it up with a couple of ripe tomatoes.
This should not be allowed to continue while we cosmetologists look on. I have given you a number of beauty lectures before, but, buy the look of you, you haven’t taken a scrap of notice. However, I’m giving you another chance.
For a start, it will be obvious that the make-up for a blonde would be totally unsuitable for a brunette. Remember this next time you change from brunette to blonde.
The basis of all make-up treatment is to give the face a bit of a wash first.
Lots of girls don’t’ think of this, yet it is one of the best things for removing mud, dust, grass-seeds etc., which collect on the face after a few months.
Never use sand-soap! Once it gets into your ears, it’s the devils own job getting it out.
If the face is particularly filthy a blow-lamp may be used … but this should be done by an expert.
Having got the face reasonably clean, a good cream should be well rubbed into the skin…. Not ice-cream, because it attracts the flies and there is nothing more embarrassing to a well groomed woman than to be covered in flies.
A face-pack may be applied before the cream is rubbed in.
A simple method is to make a blancmange, plunge the face into it and allow the blancmange to set. If necessary, get into the Ice-chest with it.
The face-pack should be worn for a couple of hours, after that you eat your way out of it.
The face-pack having been removed, rub in the cream. Rub upward from the neck. This will prevent the sagging chin. It is exceedingly awkward to sit down and find your chin dangling in your lap. Don’t let it happen to you.
Remove the surplus cream with a pad of cotton wool or the tea-towel or floor cloth, which ever is preferred, and dust the face…no wait a minute!
The rouge should always be applied first. Make up your mind where you want your cheeks to be and apply the rouge with a circular motion.
If your nose is red it may be rendered less noticeable if the rouge is put on the cheeks very thick.
A touch of rouge on the lobes of the ears is sometimes used, but don’t put it so thickly that people will think that your boyfriend has socked you one.
The lips are next. It is best to make your mind up as to what size and shape your lips are going to be and stick to it. Having different sizes and shapes of lips every day is very confusing for ones friends……
……I do not favour the too extensive use of perfume. A dab or two behind the ears and about an eggcup full down the front of the frock is sufficient for a woman of refinement.
Sickly cloying scents should be avoided. A mixture of half scent and half rum will give one an interesting tang as well as being distinctive.
Another thing; it is nice to know that there is always something to drink in the house. Many a woman has one back her husband’s affections by dousing herself in rum occasionally.
The hands are all-important. The first step in the care of the hands is to get someone in to do all the washing.
Almond oil, the oil used for oiling almonds, is excellent for softening the hands, and for whitening them a mixture of peroxide and whitewash is advised. Some people wash them but this is going to extremes.
Good taste must be your guide in the use of cosmetics, says a leading society woman. She’s right, too.
Before using any cosmetic, taste the stuff. If it tastes good it’s OK.
October 8 1938
From the book "Humour in the weekly" by Currey O'Neil
"its star attraction was L. W. Lower Australia's leading humourist. through the depression and the war years Lennie Lower kept them laughing with his outrageous columns on anything from revising an encyclopedia while eating a stolen orange to hobnobbing with hitler"
How To Be Beautiful...
Cosmetology Made Easy By the New Lay-On Principle
Lennie Lower
Speaking as one of Australia’s leading cosmetologists, it is with regret that I have to remark that Australian women don’t know how to make up.
Quite a lot of women look as if someone had smacked them in the face with a bag of flower and then followed it up with a couple of ripe tomatoes.
For a start, it will be obvious that the make-up for a blonde would be totally unsuitable for a brunette. Remember this next time you change from brunette to blonde.
The basis of all make-up treatment is to give the face a bit of a wash first.
Lots of girls don’t’ think of this, yet it is one of the best things for removing mud, dust, grass-seeds etc., which collect on the face after a few months.
Never use sand-soap! Once it gets into your ears, it’s the devils own job getting it out.
If the face is particularly filthy a blow-lamp may be used … but this should be done by an expert.
Having got the face reasonably clean, a good cream should be well rubbed into the skin…. Not ice-cream, because it attracts the flies and there is nothing more embarrassing to a well groomed woman than to be covered in flies.
A face-pack may be applied before the cream is rubbed in.
A simple method is to make a blancmange, plunge the face into it and allow the blancmange to set. If necessary, get into the Ice-chest with it.
The face-pack should be worn for a couple of hours, after that you eat your way out of it.
The face-pack having been removed, rub in the cream. Rub upward from the neck. This will prevent the sagging chin. It is exceedingly awkward to sit down and find your chin dangling in your lap. Don’t let it happen to you.
Remove the surplus cream with a pad of cotton wool or the tea-towel or floor cloth, which ever is preferred, and dust the face…no wait a minute!
The rouge should always be applied first. Make up your mind where you want your cheeks to be and apply the rouge with a circular motion.
If your nose is red it may be rendered less noticeable if the rouge is put on the cheeks very thick.
A touch of rouge on the lobes of the ears is sometimes used, but don’t put it so thickly that people will think that your boyfriend has socked you one.
The lips are next. It is best to make your mind up as to what size and shape your lips are going to be and stick to it. Having different sizes and shapes of lips every day is very confusing for ones friends……
……I do not favour the too extensive use of perfume. A dab or two behind the ears and about an eggcup full down the front of the frock is sufficient for a woman of refinement.
Sickly cloying scents should be avoided. A mixture of half scent and half rum will give one an interesting tang as well as being distinctive.
Another thing; it is nice to know that there is always something to drink in the house. Many a woman has one back her husband’s affections by dousing herself in rum occasionally.
The hands are all-important. The first step in the care of the hands is to get someone in to do all the washing.
Almond oil, the oil used for oiling almonds, is excellent for softening the hands, and for whitening them a mixture of peroxide and whitewash is advised. Some people wash them but this is going to extremes.
Good taste must be your guide in the use of cosmetics, says a leading society woman. She’s right, too.
Before using any cosmetic, taste the stuff. If it tastes good it’s OK.
October 8 1938
From the book "Humour in the weekly" by Currey O'Neil
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A Conundrum Solved.....Finally!
For many years Princess worked...
(Yes Dhaarlings... I wasn't always a Princess)
With a wonderful colleague called Lydia...
We had a client who, on every occasion when visiting the service...
Would start to sing the first few lines of a song called
"Lydia the Tattooed Lady"
every time my colleague would enter the room.
I was not familiar with the song, or, where it came from, or who sang it...
or what it was all about only having heard the first few lines of the tune...
but it stuck in my head...
For many years I would lie awake in bed at night... pondering its origins...
Who had sung it? Was it an old hit from a bygone era?
Was it from a movie or a musical?
I didn't know....no one seemed to know...
I lost sleep..
I asked my parents, my parents' parents...
Friends of my parents, My friends and their parents' parents,
and none of them could recall ever hearing a song of this nature...
This connundrum was getting right up my goat!
I would approach friends or even strangers in the street and ask...
"Do you know of Lydia the Tattooed Lady?
They would look at me strangely alarmed and reply..
" Fuck off Princess"
I would graciously thank them for wishing me pleasure...
and continue on my way searching for clues in sloving this troublesome mystery...
I started to think I had imagined the whole thing...
had recalled the wrong name...
Perhaps it was Mary I worked with and not Lydia?...
And even tho... Mary is a grand old name...
Mary the the tattooed lady just doesn't sound right....
It could have been Charlene....
But.... I think she changed her name to Kylie... not Lydia.
Could it have been Sheryl or Sharon?....
I did work with several of them...
over the years...
but...
I don't recall them having tattoos...
well not where you could see them at work anyway.
Or was it Daisy?
Oh Daisy, Daisy, give me the answer do...
At times I tought had been driven completely around the bend...
Other friends....
Apart from wishing me pleasure constantly...
Told me...
"Princess..... you have become obsessed"
"I've become obsessed"!?
"You lot are the ones constantly wishing me plesure...
How very dare you even suggest such a thing....
that I.... am obsessed!"...
I said
"But Princess... stop all this quixotish tilting at windmills"...
they said. (Well they did)
"You can't go on like this Princess"...
"It's making you very dull to be around"...
They said
"You will never find this Holy Grail of a "Tattoed Lidia" ... that you seek,
She does not exhist"...they said
"Lydia the Tattoed Lady" I corrected...
"What...evah" ...they said
"We don't care Princess... it's all a figment of your imagination" ...
"Now.... Fuck off Princess"....
"There you go again" I thought...
"And you have the gall to tell me that I'm obsessed"!!
From that moment on my life changed....
I resoved that I would never mention...
"Lydia the Tattooed Lady"
To a living soul ever again.
I would continue my Quest for her in silence.
It would remain my secret...
A very private indulgence....
Knowing that
No matter how long it took...
No mater how many rubber trees I would have to move...
The lengths that I would have to go to...
The many rivers to cross...
Climbing every mountain...
Fording every stream ...
Following every rainbow...
Until the day...
That... I... Princess ... Would Find My Lydia!
AND HERE SHE IS!
And suddenly it all fell into place...
An 18 year connundrum had been solved!
This will show them all...
That Princess was not "mad" or "obsessed"
I had finally found the Proof I needed...
I told my friends...
I sent them the clip....
And do you know what they said in response?
"Ohhh... Fuck Off Princess"
18 FUCKING YEARS AND THAT'S THE THANKS I GET!!
But at least I will be sleeping soundly tonight!
Pleasant Dreams Dhaarlings...
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
May we have the Winners Please.....
Hello There Dhaaarlings and Welcome...
to the
"Palais de Steff"
"Royal Gala Masquerade Ball"
Your Table is Waiting...
The Cocktail Bar is open in the Champagne Room...
So do have a glass of bubbles with me wont you?
Before...
Before...
The Winning Contestants of the Inaugural "Fabulous Frock" Competition
are announced...
Your Costumes are all Spectacular Dhhaaarlings
Well most of them anyway...
Now lets get down to announcing the WINNERS of the inaugural
"Fabulous Frock Competition"
shall we?
If I may have your attention please...
Ladies and Gentlemen....
It gives me such very great pleasure to announce
The Winner of the "Most Appealing Frock"
"Houseboy the Envelope please"
"Orchestra...Drum roll... thankyou "
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have"....
"A Tie"!
Svannah #1
and her stunning tribute to "Anne Boleyn" ....
And
Mistress MJ
and her gravity defying "Gilda Gown"
Congratulations to Both our Winners...
*Cheering and Applause*
Now Miss Savannah and Mistress MJ...
If you would be so kind as to display your winning gowns...
In a Double Strut down the Catwalk for us one last time...
On Behalf of the Organising Committee
Princess would like to Present to each of you with this Beautiful Prize
And now to the one that you have all been waiting for...
The winner of the "Most Appaling Frock"
which goes to....
"Houseboy the envelope"
which goes to....
"Houseboy the envelope"
"Another Drum roll if you please Mr Orchestra"
HRH CyberPetra #2
for his "Atrocity in Blue"
Please take to the catwalk for a final time...
and we shall try not to avert our eyes...
*Rousing Applause*
Congratulations HRH Petra you certainly had this catagory covered Dhaaarling....
On Behalf of the Organising Committee
Princess would like to Present you with this Beautiful Prize
Now with the formalities complete
Lets Enjoy the Masque Ball shall we...
Thank you all for your wonderful entries and participation.
I think that you are all winners....
Now if you would all be so kind as to join our winners on the dance floor...
And later...some of the houseboys will help us all to cool down...
Ladies and Gentlemen
Do enjoy your evening won't you?
"Waiter! More Drinks for our guests"...
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Fabulous Frock" Competitors.....And Voting Day
It's Voting Day
Dhaarlings...
On behalf of the Organising Committee...
Princess graciously welcomes you all to the...
Inaugural "Fabulous Frock" Competition
at
"Palais de Steff"
"Palais de Steff"
Princess would like to..
Thank all our marvelous entrants and their
"Fabulous Frocks"
Thank all our marvelous entrants and their
"Fabulous Frocks"
And and now folks here they are, give them all a rousing round of applause as
our delightful entrants approach the catwalk...
(Thankyou You Tube)
And remember what you are voting for...
A: "The Most Appealing Frock"
and
B: "The Most Appalling Frock"
There is a PRIZE for the winner in each catagorie!
So let's get on with the show now shall we?
Princess Proudly Presents for your Pondering and Perusal ...
Contestant #1.
Mr Xl
(Thankyou YouTube)
Sing along now...
*Applause*
"Thankyou Mr Xl"...
Contestant #2.
Miss Scarlet Blue
"Whom appears to be Brandishing....
Her own sense of "Vertical Enhancement"
In a "Ravishing Little Red Number" ....
Reaching new and somewhat alarming heights on the catwalk"!
(Thankyou You Tube)
*Applause*
"Thankyou Miss Scarlet "
"Do you require assistance from a houseboy to dismount your prop"?
And now welcome to the catwalk...
Contestant #3.
Mr Eroswings
"One moment please...
While
Mr Eros tells us all a little more about his "Harleqin Ensemble"
"Houseboy! Microphone for Mr Eros please"
"Thankyou Mr Eros, you have the floor"
"The shirt I'm borrowing from Olympic bronze medalist
Daisuke Takahashi of Japan".
"The pants I'm borrowing from the Norwegian Olympic curling team."
"The mask I found on line".
"The shoes I'm borrowing from MJ's Jan 3, 2010 post on shoes".
*Applause*
"Thankyou Mr Eros"....
Contestant #4
HRH CyberPetra
"The Queen of High Maintenance"
would like to say a few words, many words, "Recite an Ode" to each of her entries...
"Houseboy! Pass the microphone to HRH please"
CP #1
(Forward Window)
“Nolan Miller is responsible for this creation “Black Swan”.
(Rear Window)
"A feathered gown circa 1980 designed for the
"New York City Ballet Company".
How can one let this creation stay in an old Louis Vuitton travel case?
It must be seen as well as heard - and loud it is”!
CP #2
“As I was looking through the basement I found an old trunk in the back.
Something left from a previous tenant.
One who obviously had very little taste.
So I simply had to unroll an old rug that the previous tenant also left behind, and display this dress.
Maybe you could have it on standby in case one of your guests
has forgotten that it is indeed a ball
I would not personally be caught dead wearing it, as I'm allergic to all things shiny and polyester”.
CP #3
“I adore vintage, even the more shall we say opulent - gaudy anyone?
So it is with great pleasure that I share this vintage YSL creation with you.
It has been in the royal collection for many years.
Hidden away as it's not something one wears out anymore.
Yet, I feel it is time that it should be displayed for all and sundry.
You can say what you want about the dress, but,
“Yves Saint Laurent” knew what he was doing”.
*Applause*
Thankyou "Miss Queen of High Maintenance"
You may now leave the catwalk in readiness for our next contestant...
Which is...
*ruffling through notes*
Contestant # 5
Miss Savannah
S #1.
S #2.
S #3
I feel a theme approaching....
(Thankyou You Tube)
"Why Miss Savannah.... Your Gowns speak for themselves"....
*Applause*
Thankyou Miss Savannah
Contestant # 6.
Mistress MJ
"MJ would also like to say a few words about her entry"...
"Houseboy, pass the microphone to Dear MJ please"
"You may recognize it as the black satin strapless number wore by Rita Hayworth in the film 'Gilda'.
shim and shake in the gown" ....
*Applause*
"Thankyou Mistress MJ for that gravity defying perfomance"....
And now welcome to the catwalk our final entrant...
Contestant #7
Mr Inexplicable De Vice
"Mr De Vice would also like a few moments at the voice projector"...
"Houseboy, if you will"
"Please... Cast your spell Mr De Vice"...
IDV #1.
"The first is a bit too "Kathy Najimi"
IDV #2.
"The second is "Too Slutty Cheerleader"....
IDV #3.
"As you can see, it's a little more "Incredible Cloak" than it is "Fabulous Frock"
but it does come with several must-have accessories:
The Orb-topped staff for beating one's way up the red carpet
The demonic horns for when one simply must bow before the waiting paparazzi...
And thereby have their eyes out
The frightful make-up which masks the damage done by standing over a boiling cauldron the previous night";
"And finally, the familiar".
"Although, I can supply my own familiar in the shape of Clone-Beaky and he's at least twice as evil"!
*applause*
"Thank Mr De Vice"
*leaving the catwalk Cackling at the paparrazzi*...
And there you have it.
Please put your hands together for all of our wonderful contestants
And their "Fabulous Frocks"
Now Remember Dhaaarlings you are casting 2 Votes...
A: "The Most Appealing Frock"
and
B: "The most Appalling Frock"
Start Your Voting Dhaaarlings...
Princess will be Tabulating your Votes.....
And as soon as the voting is done....
Will be announcing the Winning Contestants and Presenting Prizes
at the...
"Royal Gala Masque Ball"
I'll see you all there now....
Won't I?.....
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