Monday, April 26, 2010

How To Be Beautiful....

The following is an exerpt from a regular humour column that appeared in a magazine called "The Auatralian Womans Weekly", which appeared on June 10th 1933...
"its star attraction was  L. W. Lower Australia's leading humourist. through the depression and the war years Lennie Lower kept them laughing with his outrageous columns on anything from revising an encyclopedia while eating a stolen orange to hobnobbing with hitler"
How To Be Beautiful...
Cosmetology Made Easy By the New Lay-On Principle

Lennie Lower

Speaking as one of Australia’s leading cosmetologists, it is with regret that I have to remark that Australian women don’t know how to make up.

Quite a lot of women look as if someone had smacked them in the face with a bag of flower and then followed it up with a couple of ripe tomatoes.

This should not be allowed to continue while we cosmetologists look on. I have given you a number of beauty lectures before, but, buy the look of you, you haven’t taken a scrap of notice. However, I’m giving you another chance.

For a start, it will be obvious that the make-up for a blonde would be totally unsuitable for a brunette. Remember this next time you change from brunette to blonde.

The basis of all make-up treatment is to give the face a bit of a wash first.
Lots of girls don’t’ think of this, yet it is one of the best things for removing mud, dust, grass-seeds etc., which collect on the face after a few months.

Never use sand-soap! Once it gets into your ears, it’s the devils own job getting it out.

If the face is particularly filthy a blow-lamp may be used … but this should be done by an expert.

 Having got the face reasonably clean, a good cream should be well rubbed into the skin…. Not ice-cream, because it attracts the flies and there is nothing more embarrassing to a well groomed woman than to be covered in flies.

A face-pack may be applied before the cream is rubbed in.
A simple method is to make a blancmange, plunge the face into it and allow the blancmange to set. If necessary, get into the Ice-chest with it.
The face-pack should be worn for a couple of hours, after that you eat your way out of it.

The face-pack having been removed, rub in the cream. Rub upward from the neck. This will prevent the sagging chin. It is exceedingly awkward to sit down and find your chin dangling in your lap. Don’t let it happen to you.

Remove the surplus cream with a pad of cotton wool or the tea-towel or floor cloth, which ever is preferred, and dust the face…no wait a minute!

The rouge should always be applied first. Make up your mind where you want your cheeks to be and apply the rouge with a circular motion.
If your nose is red it may be rendered less noticeable if the rouge is put on the cheeks very thick.
A touch of rouge on the lobes of the ears is sometimes used, but don’t put it so thickly that people will think that your boyfriend has socked you one.

The lips are next. It is best to make your mind up as to what size and shape your lips are going to be and stick to it. Having different sizes and shapes of lips every day is very confusing for ones friends……

……I do not favour the too extensive use of perfume. A dab or two behind the ears and about an eggcup full down the front of the frock is sufficient for a woman of refinement.
Sickly cloying scents should be avoided. A mixture of half scent and half rum will give one an interesting tang as well as being distinctive.
Another thing; it is nice to know that there is always something to drink in the house. Many a woman has one back her husband’s affections by dousing herself in rum occasionally.

The hands are all-important. The first step in the care of the hands is to get someone in to do all the washing.
Almond oil, the oil used for oiling almonds, is excellent for softening the hands, and for whitening them a mixture of peroxide and whitewash is advised. Some people wash them but this is going to extremes.

Good taste must be your guide in the use of cosmetics, says a leading society woman. She’s right, too.

Before using any cosmetic, taste the stuff. If it tastes good it’s OK.

October 8 1938

From the book "Humour in the weekly" by Currey O'Neil


  1. Ha! Ha! That's funny!

    And who doesn't love a woman who smells like perfume and rum? That's the universal sign for I'm available and looking for a good time! And I have alcohol back at my place!

  2. that was hilarious! well done, sugar, for a great find! xoxox

  3. Substituting Irish whiskey for rum is just as effective.

  4. I find the heady pong of gin works wonders. It's also an excellent de-licer, astringent, mummifier and, when taken in the right quantities, relaxant.

    Lennie Lower is an artiste!