Probing Edna's Past...

Hello... Possums!

Is Edna's Famous Catch Cry...

Princess is planning and presenting a series of historic,

 but gentle and very tasteful probes into the background stories associated with some of the lesser and more well known characters that adorn Edna's Gladiolus Strewn Banter...

Below is a picture of a very early Edna...

Well before her meteoric rise to Gigastardom...

Not her best angle I know...

But did I say that she did start out as your average garden variety housewife?..

Edna always seemed the social climber, coming from very humble beginnings and marrying

Lord Norman Everage. Of Moonee Ponds.

But more about his Lordship later...

After her marriage and bearing of three children... yes three...

to Norman...

Eldest son Bruce, daughter Valmai and youngest son Kenneth

(Whom I shall be discussing in future posts)

She began insinuating herself about town as...

"Dame Edna Everage... Housewife Superstar".

But First

I would like to introduce you to someone who 'lived large'

In Edna's Life... 

Edna's Beloved Bridesmaid...

'Mrs Madge Allsop'

Edna's long suffering and ever present Bridesmaid

'Madge' was played by British Actress 

'Emily Perry'

*"Perry began playing the sour-faced Madge,

 a New Zealander from Palmerston North,

 when she was 80.

Madge, Edna's elderly "bridesmaid",

began appearing alongside Barry Humphries' famous housewife and "gigastar" in 1987.

She never spoke and was often the butt of Edna's witty putdowns.

She played Madge in, Dame Edna's Hollywood

Dame Edna's Neighbourhood Watch

The Dame Edna Experience and

The Dame Edna Satellite Experience."*

*Via* 

Edna took 'Madge' into her humble abode on the suggestion of Husband Norm, whom later succumbed to the ravages of time following the worlds first successful prostate transplant... 

And after 'Madges' husband 'Douglas' had suddenly and unfortunately left her without a penny.

Edna generously offered Madge her mothers old room at Everage Hall... 

The room was vacant due to the fact that

Enda's Mother had been bundled off placed at the

 'Maximun Security Twilight Home'

At this time what with Norman undergoing rampant prostate renewal therapy...

Madge became Edna's Confidante and 'Dead Pan' Side kick from then on...

A Shopping Spree

Edna often referred to 'Madge' as that "dreadfully ungrateful woman" and alluded to her having "unusual preoccupations" in the boudior....

Particularly in regard to Madge's taste in 'lewd' videos...

Edna would know of such things as...  'Madge' became her long time sleeping partner...

 sharing a bed together and becoming a Nocturnal

 Boudior Somnambulist, much to Ednas horror and disgust.

"In offering Madge Allsop my mother's old room at Everage Hall, Moonee Ponds, Melbourne, 

I had not bargained on a fully-paid-up card-carrying

somnambulist...

I don't know how many times I'd had to coax my disoriented and out-to-it old bridesmaid off the garage roof and back to her bed.

I was never quite sure how genuine her little nocturnal strolls really were, and to what extent she wasn't on another of her ego trips...

 A cry for help isn't always a cry for help.

 Think that one over for a minute, Possums!

Anyway it was a short hop, step and a jump...

 off the garage roof to my own bed where Madge has now taken up her permanent residence."

In later years,

 Madge developed an 'unhealthy' and often "unseemly' preoccupation with her 'Landscaper'

as Edna referred to him, otherwise known as her Plastic Surgeon.... 

She also claims...

Madge being incredibly adept with a jar of "Nivea" Creme

"The little Minx secretes it everywhere"

Edna has been heard to say...

Hence... 'Madge' continually appearing "Bound in Bandages"

Here is a little snippet I have discovered that I think describes Edna's deeply sincere feelings for he beloved bridesmaid. 

THE MADGNIFICAT

Before I take my fourty winks

Pray forgive this wicked minx

Of her conceit I've had a plateful

Just help her to be finally grateful.

Perhaps I've given her to much

And now she treats me like a crutch

Sometimes I feel I'll bend and snap

As selfish Madge tugs on my pap

Of niceness, warmth and generosity

Pray help me to love this old monstrosity

She came to me without a cent

And all she owns I gladly lent

I've pumped, let's face it, telephone numbers

Into her bank. And now she slumbers.

She who was so lithe and young

Spare the rough edge of my tongue.

I should be comforted perhaps

That dear old Madge is under wraps

Here's to Madge

"Darling Madge"

May God Rest Her Somnambulistic Soul...