Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ladies...Check your Rack... Please!




This Little Tale arrived Via Email

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM




I actually kept my mammogram appointment.  I was met with, "Hi!  I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted
her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

Fine, I answered.. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me,
half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."





The Mammogram Machine was obviously designed
by a man. 


If it were a penis scanner... 


You can bet that it would be padded and heated with a vibration control to boot.





Many of you may have read the above already... but...

On a more serious note this post is also a timely reminder to get a regular Mammogram done.

I say this because... recently the Empresses "Avon Lady" has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer along with The "Avon Lady's" Daughter, both in the same week! They have both started therapy together this week.

Our prayers are with them both.


Regular screening is essential... so if you havn't already...
Ladies.... Get your baps pressed now Dhaaarlings...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Now Showing at "The Palais"....


Hello Dhaaarlings...

I appologise for missing  "Hitchcockorama"  last week. I  would have gone with "The Birds" and Tippy Hedron.

Our wonderful host  Boxer given her latest post I thought might have gone either with a Disaster movie theme or something to do with Divine Intervention...

Well anyway... the chosen theme for Wednesday The 30th of March 2011 (Gosh where did March go?) could incorporate either I suppose... and is...





"Favourite Elizabeth Taylor Movie"








"The only son of wealthy widow Violet Venable dies while on vacation with his cousin Catherine. What the girl saw was so horrible that she went insane; now Mrs. Venable wants Catherine lobotomized to cover up the truth."

Based on Tennisee Williams Play. This movie Bought to the screen ideas of homosexuality, cannibalism and mental illness.

All quite confronting I would think for 1959 audiences










Not her greatest but one that had me spellbound.


Whenever Liz played opposite  the dishy Montgomery Clift... there was a real almost palpable chemistry. If ever there was a case of unrequited love both on and off the silver screen... this relationship was I think a perfect example!


I'll be keen to see what everyone else comes up with this week so will be around to visit later Dhaaarlings...


It was just a shame that Liz was up against Kate for the Oscar in this movie... But then they both missed out


Until then... Happy Movie Clip Wednesday

Monday, March 28, 2011

Haiku Monday on Tuesday....



Haiku Monday is a happening thing over at "Bite the Apple" with our

Priestess of High Fashion and hostess  "Moi"


This weeks theme is 

Lemon

I've never tried writing a Haiku before... so thought I'd give it a go and dip my toe into the lemon scented pond this week...

With Two Entries!







As lemon scents go...
Dior's "Eau Savage" is fine...
For attracting same sex too!









Judge me, judge me not
I can be as sour as lemon
Bitter to the end

So there you have it...

Good luck everyone
Pop on over to Moi's a check out the other entries and see the terrific prize that is up for grabs this week!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Meet the new House Guest...



Hello Dhaaarlings...

Princess has been given a new house guest to adorn The Palais...

Last week the Empress arrived home from one of her many shopping expeditions and presented me with this...




A beautiful bright Siamese Fighting Fish

"Oh Mother... what did you do that for?" Said I...

"Just Because I love you Darling" said She...

"And you seemed so keen on getting one that day you took the Nieces and I to visit the Pet Shop before Christmas... And so disappointed when you came home the next week after finding out that the shop had sold out of them.

So... As I was just driving past the shop today (it was miles out of her way)

I figured I'd stop and see if they had restocked...

  




And luckily they had!"

I thanked the Empress with a big hug...


I have always been fascinated by Siamese Fighters and have longed to have one for many years... Well since I was a kid really.. 






Say Hello to "Mr Finn!"


I think he's quite flamboyant for a fish

He's not as grumpy as he looks....and is quite relaxing to watch as he wafts around in his watery home...




So, Today I took visit to the pet shop to get another one... And would you believe they had sold out of them again!


I now have an order placed for a bright blue buddy for him...


Which should be available by next weekend...










 Separate tanks of course... I don't want it to turn into a blood bath...


Male Siamese fighting fish tend be territorial and get very aggressive with each other and will often fight to the death!


But... I think that the occasional flexing of fabulous fins between next door neighbour's  might be a little interesting Dhaaarlings.


And I believe that they are not as noisy as peacocks...



Saturday, March 26, 2011

Getting Crabby At "The Palais"........



Hello Dhaaarlings...

As I was saying yesterday... today was "Crab Apple Jelly Day"

I've never made Crab Apple anything before so this was a first for me...

I wondered how a pot full of these...





Could be turned into jars of  this...


 



Beautiful... Pink... Sweet... Apple flavoured jelly

All with just a bit of
 Straining and Stirring and Adding of Sugar...

I was impressed... And it tastes just Divine...


My next mission is to tackle a box of Quinces...

To see if I can't turn them into a paste...

Friday, March 25, 2011

F.I.G.J.A.M....



Hello Dhaaarlings...

Princess has been busy this week cooking up a storm again with fresh fruits!

Yesterday it was Fig Jam Day... Having raided a Dear Neighbours tree and...

Turning these little Turkeys...





Well.... these are just the leftovers


Into this...






Fig and Fig and Ginger Jam Dhaaarlings...


Tomorrow is Crab Apple Jelly Day!

Yippee!

So... Do I give a Fig?

Well... Of course... After It's been turned into Jam I do....

And Guess what I'm having on my toast for Brekky Dhaaarlings.....


Helping Hands...






Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Slaving at the Lathe....


Hello Dhaaarlings...



Mistress MJ

 
Our hostess with the Modess...  I mean Mostess...


  and wrangler of Infomaniac Bitches all over the world...


Is having her 5th bloggaversary


So Bitches....


 Give the Girl Some Wood!







Princess has been slaving over a hot lathe all day in an attempt to make the Mistress a celebratory gift...


But I just can't decide....




these seemed appropriate...




Then I found this lovely carved little number...







I thought that this might be a little over the top 

but then again...




 
Given Mistress MJ's fascination with things to sit on whilst being carried by her adoring Bitches



This might just do the trick...







What ever you do tomorrow...

Grab your wood Bitches!

 and head on over to the celebrations...







There is nothing like a bit of wood to liven up a party!...


Monday, March 21, 2011

What I've seen lately...



What I have seen lately Dhaaarlings...


Disturbs me...


It is obviously the latest trend in Team Mascots





But Really???....






Yes... I know... I was shocked too... Dhaaarlings...



Until I saw This....







The Bar has obviously been raised when it comes to Team Mascots!

I just can't imagine what sports code they might be attributed to

Any Suggestions?


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Lá Fhéile Pádraig.....


It's St Patrick's Day...









Read all about it here





So grab yourself a Shamrock... and some Green Beers



Do Some Relaxing Yoga





And don't forget your accent...










Bottoms Up!...and 
Happy St Patrick's Day
Dhaarlings...






Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Now Showing at "The Palais"....





Hellooo Dhaarlings....


It's Movie Clip Wednesday once again and this weeks theme is another terrific choice from our "Hostess with the Mostest"...  "Boxer"...



Best drug/drunk scene from a movie - comedy or drama. 

It took a while for Princess to get around to seeing this movie as initially all the hype around it turned me off. But Mr Tarantino is a director that you either love or hate... and over the years I have warmed somewhat to his movies.

So several years after its release I gathered the courage to hire it from the video store and locked myself away for a night of what turned out to be incredible sensual abuse...

It was in your face and up front, confronting in it's portrayal of the seedier side of life, gripping, shocking at times, incredibly funny dialogue with an interesting and quirky cast.

The music was great and the dance scene is one that will stay with me forever 
I think has become a cult classic. 

Initially this scene shocked the hell out of a delicate Princess, (well the whole movie did for that matter) whom had led a relatively sheltered and pure existence in regard to the ins and outs of the drug scene up to this point in his life...
But there are some great comedic moments with the rapid fire dialogue, chaos and mayhem throughout the scene...






And for Old times sake here's that dance scene




Happy MCW Dhaaarlings!...


Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Shafted.....
















Watch Madonna - Ray Of Light in Music  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com


I think I've just been shafted... Dhaaarlings...

Monday, March 14, 2011

A Special Celebration...


Hello Dhaaarlings...




Dear friends of mine were married this weekend...

  Princess was asked to do some simple but elegant table centres for the wedding breakfast...

So I'm sharing the results with you here just for your enjoyment...

And my bragging rites...




And the Bridal Bouquet doubled as an arrangement on the Bridal Table...  





Limited budgets call for creativity....

Roses $25

Pebbles $2

Candles $10

8 Vase's... Borrowed.... from family and friends...

And just add water...

Created with Love by Princess?.... Well that costs nothing darlings....




Simple and Elegant.... Just like me Dhaaarlings...


Sunday, March 13, 2011

The Eyes Have It...


And what may I ask... are you looking at Dearie?




Never seen a good looking Mantis before?



Friday, March 11, 2011

Intimate Confession Time....


Hello Dhaaarlings...




I instantly became a...





What  about You?





Thursday, March 10, 2011

Palais Exclusive???....



Princess
After much dogged and hard hitting investigation
 can now reveal that...

 Mistress MJ 






 Our famed  and adored hostess of 


and...

Legendary despiser of anything Croc...







Turns out.... Has her very own secret little fetish ...




No Dhaaarlings.... 

This was Princess crossing the Infomaniac Moat to obtain the following exclusive...



Mistress MJ Snapped with Croc!





I could hardly believe it myself Dhaaarlings....

But... the Camera Doesn't lie....