Thursday, March 31, 2011

Ladies...Check your Rack... Please!

This Little Tale arrived Via Email


I actually kept my mammogram appointment.  I was met with, "Hi!  I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted
her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?"

I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"

Fine, I answered.. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door.

"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back."

Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me,
half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The Mammogram Machine was obviously designed
by a man. 

If it were a penis scanner... 

You can bet that it would be padded and heated with a vibration control to boot.

Many of you may have read the above already... but...

On a more serious note this post is also a timely reminder to get a regular Mammogram done.

I say this because... recently the Empresses "Avon Lady" has been diagnosed with Breast Cancer along with The "Avon Lady's" Daughter, both in the same week! They have both started therapy together this week.

Our prayers are with them both.

Regular screening is essential... so if you havn't already...
Ladies.... Get your baps pressed now Dhaaarlings...


  1. Well done Princess.
    I've lost more than my share of loved ones to cancer.

    A polite reminder, very kind of you.

  2. Eeek! I don't want The Shat giving me a breast exam!

    Thanks for the reminder, Princess.

    Mistress MJ gets her regular examination.

    I think we've all lost someone we love to this disease.

    As uncomfortable as it is, a Pap smear is worse!

  3. Right on.

    Also: prostate cancer exam (as appropriate).

  4. We should all don a hairy brown ribbon for prostate cancer awareness week to show our support.

  5. Very important message. Thank you daaaaarling!

    I've lost enough friends and family to cancer. I am not a ribbons guy though

  6. For everyone to check themselves regularly!

  7. Thank you for that reminder. I'm searching for Cap'n Kirk as we speak.

    I hope the Avon Ladies do well witht their treatment.