Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Now Showing at "The Palais"....

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Seasons Greetings Dhaarlings...


Milkriver Madman has utterly excelled himself with this weeks theme for
Movie Clip Wednesday

"Favourite Christmas Movie"

There just couldn't be a more timely theme could there?
Such an absolute cornucopia wonderful happy movies with a Christmas theme
There is a list of 100 of them Here

Scrooge, And all it's variations, I think takes the prize for the most remakes of any Christmas themed movie. But there were others that came to mind.
Classics like "Miracle on 34th street" "It's a wonderful life" which are quite touching. Funny comedic themes like "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" with the Griswolds, "Elf" with Will Farrell, "Polar Express", "The Santa Clause"
Or, Tim Burton's "Nightmare before Christmas" and the wiers and whacky "Grinch that stole Christmas" with Jim Carey. My favourite of the "Scrooge" remakes would have to be "Scrooged" with Bill Murray.

But my personal selection for this week strikes a very special chord within me.

And if you will, indulge me while I give you some background...
I really do love all things Christmas

"Princess as Santa"

I have had the wonderful experience of playing Santa Claus for many years (initially with a Professional Photographer at a local shopping centre and now volunteering at local community functions) I found myself strangely drawn to this movie. "Why?" you ask... Well let me tell you.

I find Christmas time to be one of the most wondrous times of the year for little children, and adults that are still children at heart.
The look of awe, but more often, the terror on their little faces.
With over anxious parents literally pushing the kid toward the big fat hairy man in a bright red suit.
(It used to frighten the hell out of me as a kid.)
(And it is such an un natural appearance for anyone, what with all the white hair and beard, red suit trimmed with fur, the boots and white gloves, let alone in Australia where Christmas falls in the height of Summer with tempertures usually in the high 30's C... Pure craziness I know, but I do it anyway.)
 Bribing them with offers of treats or toys to stand near Santa and have a photo taken for "Grandma"... And the kid digging in its heels and screaming in fright and then trying to pull away from Mummy's vice like grip. The poor kid I think is scarred for life after that type of experience.

Sometimes I'd just want to slap these pushy parents but instead...

 Santa  would calmly reassure the parents and suggest that Mum/Dad take a deep breath and let the kid descide to approach Santa at it's own pace. If that meant several trips to visit and get accustomed to the old fat man in the red suit, before gaining the courage to stand there for a photo with him, then so be it. Most of the time this approach worked and the parents thanked me once they had the all important photo, for suggesting it to them.
This approach I found was so much more fun than all the screaming, tantrums, the tears and the arguments (and that was often from the parents)

 Then there are the other parents that are just wonderful.
 They get the whole Santa thing. They have bought the myth and are happy to reinforce it by  continued indoctrination.

The kids of these parents come running at first glimpse with arms outsretched and gleefully yelling Santa! Santa! All wide-eyed and full of questions.

For them the fantasy is made real....
 Great long lists of I wants and will you bring me's... and are quite up front some of them....
Some kids even present Santa with a drawing, or a small toy or a lolly.

One little Kid even bought along their dummy/pacifiers to give to Santa as proof that "I'm big now Santa"...

And as I said.... Constant and never ending Questions...

 "Where have you parked the Reindeer Santa?"
 "Is Rudolph with you?"
"Where is Mrs Claus? Did you leave her at home?"
"Who's home making sure them elves are still working while you're here" 
"I wont be home this year Santa do you know where Grandma and Grandpa live so you can leave the presents there?"
"Santa... We don't have a chimney so I'll leave the door open for you is that alright?"
"What do the reindeer eat?"
"Are milk and cookies alright? Because Mum said to leave out some shortbread and Dad said you'd want a beer."
"What does Mrs Santa say when you get home drunk from all the beers? Does she yell like Mummy?"

Santa really has to think on his feet sometimes...

The Mall that I worked in had a glassed roof and when the Kids asked where the reindeer were parked, I'd respond that they were "parked up on the roof". pointing toward the cieling.
I was always astonished by the number of parents that would also look up trying to see the reindeer!

And then there are the Kids that watch your every move. They will test you with a barrage of "proof" questions to see whether you're the real deal or not.

Some kids have really, really thought the questions through

 Like asking...
"If you're the real Santa... Name all the reindeer then."
 "And...What do the elves do when they're not making toys?" and 
"How do you land the sleigh on the roof and not make a noise?" and
"Why don't you wear shorts when it's hot?"
 "How do you make the reindeer fly".....

And Oh.... Just fuck off with all the questions!!!!

Imagine if you will... this barrage for four long weeks...

If you pass the inquisition some of them can turn into "Santa Police" and become regular visitors providing field reports on your "Other Helpers".

One kid gave me field reports on the performance of other "helpers" he had met in the weeks leading up to Christmas.

"Santa, we had one of your helpers,... because he wasn't you.... at the party at our place last night. And when he'd gone home, I found his hat and the bag he had the presents in, on the floor in Daddy's wardrobe.... I showed Dad. 
He said that he wasn't a very good Santa then. That's not right is it? Like he shouldn't leave his hat and bag behind should he?

Santa's (My) response "Well... No, and I guess I'll have to remind him to make sure he takes everything home with him after the next party he goes to, at the next "Santas' Helpers" meeting."

"Good.  You do that Santa. Because he's not doing it right is he?
You don't leave your bag and hat behind... do you Santa, because I've checked around your chair when you're not here..."

And then... on another day... the same kid fronts me with...

 "Santa, one of your helpers lives in a house up the road from me, and this morning I saw him out walking a dog. That's just not right is it.? He shouldn't be doing that should he?"

Santas' (My) response to this question was...

" Well no... he should have been walking a reindeer at that hour of the day.."

And the kid says...

" That's what I thought. So I told him that I'd come and talk to you about it."

Then there was the time when I wasn't too sure on how to respond to the kid that approached me and whispered behind his hand away from his Mother...

"Santa... For Christmas ... can you come to our house again in you're
nude suit?"
"Because.. Mum really likes it and giggles when you only wear your hat!"...

Mum turned bright red with embarrassment... while Santa quickly let that one go through to the keeper and asked the kid what else he wanted for Christmas

Anyway the whole Santa thing..  is actually... the only product that I begrudgingly thank the "Red Can Cola Company" and their advertising gurus for.
The gig of playing Santa has kept me in gainful employment at this time of the year 
for the past few years at least.

And despite the incessant questions, requests, tantrums, vomiting, leaking of bodily fluids, sore back, neck, and arse from sitting for hours on end...
I thoroughly love every minute of it...
And therefore... I now present for your entertainment and enjoyment my

Favourite Christmas Movie.

It's like a training manual for how not to be a Santa, but I discovered while watching it that I held such an affinity with Billy Bob and many of the scenes seemed so familiar to my own experiences over the years. Well apart from shagging Mrs. Santa's Sister.
Some days I wished that I could respond in the same way that he does.
But my own sense of Christmas wonderment doesn't allow me to.

A very Merry Christmas to you all...
And remember... there are only 3 more sleeps! 

Happy Festive Movie Clip Wednesday...



  1. Thank you for sharing your stories about being Santa. That's really cool.

    Some people react negatively to a warm Xmas time. I think it's OK myself. I was in in Oz last Xmas, used to live in Hawaii (beach day!), and it's 81f/28c here in Hellish Texas today!

    I plan to add Bad Santa to my DVD collection.

  2. Santa, can you make Beast take back that awful gift that he's posted on his blog?

  3. I want to sit on Santa's lap and do bouncy bouncy.

    You must have the patience of a saint to put up with all those screaming children.

    Feeling a bit queasy after too many mince pies? Feel the need to purge but can't? Then watch any film with child actor Mara Wilson in it. Garanteed to induce vomiting.

  4. "What does Mrs Santa say when you get home drunk from all the beers? Does she yell like Mummy?" Classic. Great story Princess. You always bring a great effort in your stories for MCW. I'm not up yet but will be later. I've only watched Bad Santa on regular TV so I know some of the "good" parts were cut out. BBT is always fun to watch. Happy MCW and enjoy your Christmas.

  5. You are a real good Santa.

    Totally forgot about MCW.

  6. You're so generous with your time and your humour.

    You're just lovely, aren't you?

  7. Dear XL

    Bad Santa = Good Movie. Go Get it!
    Looks to be forecast for a blamy
    24C and possible Rain! Might actually appreciate a hot dinner this year...

    Haven't done the longer photo work for a couple of years now and admit that I do miss it. But, the one off gigs are still fun. Kids don't change when it comes to wonderment....

    My dear MJ

    One should not look a gift horse in the mouth. As at this time of the year it is the thought that counts...
    Accept Mr Beasties gift graciously, with a smile and then belt him over the head with it!

    Remember... You can always re-gift. I'm sure that Ms Nations could turn it into a lovely planter...

    The coven may even be able to use it in a ritual for "sole stice"

    Dear Mitzi

    Thank you for your advice on "epicachuan actresses"...

    Over eating at this time of the year can lead to the need for a good hurl.

    I seem to have the "patience" of Old Saint Nick!

  8. Dear Madman

    Funnily enough all the stories are true!
    Thanks for hosting MCW.

    Between you and Boxer, I've had a lot of fun this year joining in each week.

    A very Merry Christmas to you and yours...

    Dear Mago,

    Thank you, playing Santa really does bring me a lot of joy.
    Have a very Merry Franconian Christmas!

    Dear Roses,

    Aww shucks, Santa's gone all embarrassed now....
    Thank you for your kind sentiment. Have a lovely Christmas with Boy now won't you, Snow and all!

  9. Awww that's lovely! I've always moved sitting on santas lap. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

    I like Bad Santa a lot. My favourite Christmas movie is the version of Miracle on 34th street with that McDermot actor from The Practice.

  10. Santa scared the pee out of me as a kid. I refused to go meet him, much less sit on his lap. Your perspective is priceless, though. And the movie, Bad Santa? Rules.

    I hope you and yours enjoy a very Merry Christmas and all the best in the New Year!

  11. I love that airplane pic!

    Never heard of Bad Santa! Will have to get with the tv guide and see if it's showing over here this Xmas.

    Have a good one, Princess x

  12. Good afternoon Princess,

    What a great story and that clip, what a hoot! I haven't seen the movie, but I will.

    A very Merry Christmas to you!

  13. I loved your story. :-)

    Bad Santa - it's a staple in our home. I'm a little ashamed to admit it.

    Happy MCW and I'll be back to wish you Merry Christmas later in the week.


  14. Good night Mrs Santa's sister. Love Bad Santa. I saw this in the theater with my 12 year old son. The Mrs told me to take him because it was a Christmas Movie. How bad could it be? You should have seen the stares I got after the movie. And I did a couple of short stints as Santa but I'm certainly not a professional like yourself. That's a great collection of lines. You could be Art Linkletter.

    Happy MCW and Merry Christmas!