Palais de Steff: January 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

A Deceptive Diva...

Reports have been flooding in to
"Palais Central"

Miss Petra the Daring Diva is believed to be currently Downunder with Interpol in hot persuit!

Although.... it has come to my attention.... that it could well be "Miss Petra's" Evil Twin

That has been sighted out and about...

doing the rounds of Sydney....

and desparately trying to blend in with the locals ...

Captured in all manner of Disguises...

And seen to be attempting to pass as as a swag of other more notable Divas....

"GAGA"

"Babs"

"Cher"

"Dianna"

"Celine"

And... Who else?

"Miss K"...

"Miss Petra's" Understudy of course....

Were Will Our next sightings take place?

Word has it in the street... that the Deceptive Diva has been toying with many a paramours heart...

And several have been successful in their Quarry...

What a dastardly doppleganger...

When will Evil Petra's exploits end... Dhaaarlings?

Soon! I hear you say....

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Perils Of Petra....

Louboutin Lifter... Hunt Continues...

Interpol reports that they are narrowing the search for the notorious

Miss Petra dubbed the "Louboutin Lifter"

Miss Petra remains on the run...

Police confirm they have had reports on numerous sightings from across the globe...

Canadian authorities report that

"Mistress MJ"

"The Infomaniac House of Beauty"

Was approached by a distraught Diva demanding...

"I need to rapidly change my appearance Dearie... I want Lips This Big"

"I tried to explaining that there probably wasn't enough collagen in all of Canaidia to meet her demanding requirement of Big Lips" said Mistress MJ....

"But I did say if she'd like to wait I'd arrange for her a special butterstick massage... an unruly bush trim and an arsenic anal bleaching with our head beautician "Miss Scarlet" "....

Head Beautician Miss Scarlet.

... while I rang around our collagen suppliers"... Continued MJ

"I just knew she was going to be a High Maintenence Queen from the moment I clapped eyes on her" she added...

"And before Miss Scarlet had even started to warm her buttersticks and start strapping "Miss Petra" to the workbench.... She turned and and flounced off in a cloud of glitter shouting

" Where the hell do I have to go to get the attention I deserve"...

"I told you she was high maintenence"...

Meanwhile....

in the US...

60's Chain Smoking GoGo Dancing Sensation Retro Roxy

Reported to police that she was also approached by "Miss Petra" begging to accompany her on her next Stripping Gig at The Old folks Home...

"Yes" said Roxy...when interviewed by police... "She seemed like such an eager gal too... Turned up toting a gun and saying she was travelling incognito... which of course didn't phase me... it is hunting season...

In this game you have to maintain some feminine intreague... and them Old Fellers can get a bit over excited at times...

We argued over who would take star billing....

Of course... she wanted to be the head liner...

So I told her to hit the road...

She ran off screaming something about reminding her of "Krystal " and that she'd meet me later by the fountain...

Well she herself wern't no "Alexis"...

Gal Never did show up though".....

In latest developments...

Further sightings Of "Miss Petra"

are comming in from that great land Downunder known for attracting Diva's on the Lam...

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode...

Friday, January 28, 2011

On the Lam...

Louboutin Lifter Lingers...

Police are hot on the glitter trail of the "Loboutin Lifter"... better known to all as "Miss Petra", star of the hit Musical "Fanny on a Swing"

Miss Petra was last sighted outside Franks Bar in Norwitch Engaland.

Interpol have now turned their investigation to France following alleged sightings of the Diva on the Champagne Elysee

Eye witnesses stated they were accosted by a franitc woman demanding large quantities of Moet and chocolates...

But Police have now turned ther investigations to Engaland once again

New reports maintain the Diva remains in the old Dart.

Head Chef "Mr Beastie" of the up market "Cafe C" in Dorset Engaland...

Stated to investigators...

"It was her alright. Turned up here in a tizzy demanding that I bake her a pile of Danish Pastries... told her we don't do foreign muck here.

Well... Didn't she get the rag on then... Stomping and wailing like a banshee... Poor "Mavis" thought she was wittnessing an audition to take over her "crap bingo nights"...

Took me all of my charm... but.. eventually she settled for a plate of "Ma Beasties Chick Pea Curry" and a huge serving of my world famous "Kipper Surprise"... Sat there like a German woman Suckling pigs she did!."

Then ... as I was out cleaning the bogs... She did a runner....

Police investigations Continue...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

If the Shoe Fits...

Steal it Dhaarlings....

[via]

It seems that our Dear Danish Diva "Cyber Petra" is on the run...

"Miss Petra" is currently touring and starring in her reprised role of "Fanny"

in Rogered and Hammererhard's Musical "Fanny on a Swing"

Sources reveal that Miss Petra was suddenly unable to continue with her High Flying Performance... Last evening... The role of Fanny was performed by understudy "Little Miss K"
When interviewd Miss K stated
"Nah...mate... dunno what appened to 'er... but shit I was good up there ay... never tought you'd see my fanny on a swing did ya?"

It became apparerent on further investigation... that the role

provided the perfect cover for Miss Petra to her more secretively seductive intent.

To purlon the latest Louboutin Collection!

Police revealed that CCTV evidence places Miss Petra at the scene of the crime on the night in question.

A release fom the CCTV shows Miss Petra overseeing the procurement of the remainder of the collectionwith her trusted driver and part time petty thief "Monty the Mouth".

Of course the old Jimmy Choos were off like a brides nightie...

Police investigators alleged that Miss Petra had been recognised by store owner and purveyor of fine footwear "Mr Alonso Alfonso" having been captured on security video surveillance in his store earlier that day.

"How was I to know she was casing the joint?" Mr Alfonso said...

"And she seemed so nice too"

Pleeease.... Mr Alfonso... Dhaarling...

Tell me you couldn't see the Elephant in the room...

There are reports of Miss Petra being sighted outside Frank's Bar in Norwitch England...

Patrons of the Bar stated that they saw a woman fitting Miss Petra's description waving frantically through the window trying to attract the attention of two patrons inside

Regular "Mr Johno Fark" of Norwitch described the scene...

"Well you see there was this bird in a black cat suit at the window jumping up and down and waving her arms about. Nearly fell off her Louboutins she did, trying to get the attention of these two sitting huddled over coffees banging on about bitches and nymfermaniacs and such.
The bloke like... He was very tall, gorgeous looking and Hot! The Bird he was with was a good looker too... Smelt like roses... with a hint of hoummus I think... Anyways..
The two of em were too involved in intimate gossip to notice the bird at the window and her desperate cries for attention... Couldn't unerstand a word she were saying though... the whole time... Must a been foreign or summat"...

Police investigations continue...

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Rising Damp....

Hello Dhaaarlings...

Following on from previous updates...

I just though I'd let you know that the flood crisis in Victoria continues

The rain has stopped falling... but... the sheer volume of water continues to slowly creep northward through the flood plain. Wreaking havock on any farm, small town or Rural City in its path.

This is the Power Sub Station near the rural city of Kerang... that supplies most of the power to the north west of the state.

It had been sandbagged to prevent the power being cut during the flood crisis but due to the increased amounts of flow a levee bank was rapidly built around the site as the existing sandbag walls were being overtopped by the water height.

This scenario has continued to occur within many townships as as the floodwaters continue to surge north... Levee banks neglegted through years of drought are either leaking or giving way or simply not high enough to withstand the unprecedented levels of water.

[via]

There have been over 70 rural citys' and townships effected and that number continues to rise and that does not include the thousands of families on outlying farms that are now isolated. As the flood water is now moving slowly the inundation of properties is in many places lasting for a week to 10 days.

Satellite imagery below will give you an idea of just how much water is travelling through country..